a jaunt through my head on a tuesday morning

I confess...I fear this will be quite disjointed.  I do have a book to review but am leaning towards doing "two-fers" these days since I'm reading faster.  And I have a number of things swirling in my brain but oddly don't feel inclined towards bulletpoints.

Today makes it official.  I haven't really been sure what to call my legal status in the past months but the divorce is truly final today.  It is honestly just a paper milestone since it has long been final in my head and soul.  My mom asked how I was doing and noted it was okay to be a bit sad.  I think I got that all out already though.  I've got a lot of struggle in my life right now, but my relationship with MM is NOT one of those things and I think I needed to see that a paper match didn't mean a life match before I was ready to see MM.  He's awesome and somehow thinks I'm awesome..which is awesome.

The job front, however, still sucks.  I was really upset to lose out on one position.  I even trudged my butt in a week after major surgery (when most people are proud to sit up for 20min straight) for a three hour interview AND prepared a 20min presentation beforehand.  Seriously, I doubt anyone else showed more commitment and I'm pissy that they might have already picked the winner and still had me in...I know there are formalities places go through but it is just cruel to use someone in my state as a place-filler.  I thought I nailed it too, which makes it suck more.

Of course, that does mean I'm home (transition sentence!) and able to greet service folks.  The plumber had been out last week.  Actually, he was here on Tuesday AM and I had the life scared out of me when the house shook just moments after my shower.  Normally, I'd have guessed earthquake but, given the timing, I totally went to "plumbing explosion" instead.  Anyway, plumber needed to return yesterday to re-fix stuff.  About 10min before the appointed time, I actually spotted him in the driveway and started my waddle to the door only to see hm back out and leave.  About 30min later (20min post-appt), I called the guy and got VM but he pulled in a moment later.  He said he'd decided no one was home since there wasn't a car in the driveway so he'd just left.  No knock.  He's been here ONCE.  Betty is getting her annual checkup (i.e. inspection) and there actually IS a garage too.  Seriously, LEAVING b/c a car you saw ONCE isn't there.  Odd customer care.

Of course, I hadn't been speedy to the door.  I do think I'm improving but I can tell as soon as the meds wear off.  My spine has a lot of spasms and tightness through its whole length.  I hadn't really though of it, but when you fix the bottom discs, the whole spine realigns to correct in turn.  Not fun but kinda interesting that my body is largely fixing itself (with the doc's prodding).  I do think the pain is different which may bode well for success.  Less glute and radiating leg pain which makes sense...that was the injury and it wouldn't readjust like the spine.  My belly is still tender but I'm trying to let the incision get oxygen and leave it uncovered.  I'm also Mederma-ing to make it look less Frankensteiny.  I have scars from my laproscopies but those are in the bikini area and teeny.  My belly isn't a very public domain, but I still want to do what I can to reduce scarring for my own sake.

I continue to feel the need to declare loudly that the doc aid it was one of the worst discs he's seen in years.  The guy focuses on spines so sees several a week and only really sees 'em if they are troublesome so that says a lot.  Back pain gets so many raised eyebrows and lots of "oh, my back hurts sometimes" and it is so good to have validation that my pain was REAL and I wasn't just a whiny hypochondriac.  Between endo and back troubles, I've had a lot of experience with pain and none of it "visible".  Validation is invaluable.