insurance panic

(UPDATE:  It is okay...the call was about a heavy co-pay but I knew about that)

I confess...this is a total vent.  MM isn't home yet and the parents already got emails.  I'm scared and so I'm writing. 

I got a VM from my insurance company asking me to call ASAP (my cell indicator failed to light up so I returned the 11AM call around 4:30).  I'm terrified there's a problem.  I'm on my ex's insurance...MA law provides for continued coverage at spousal rates which is lovely since COBRA costs are crazy and I'm still job-less.  X is a professor and technically a state employee so the insurance is good BUT focused on MA and becoming more so by the day.  I do know I may have to deal with an 80/20 coverage split for being out-of-state.  That SUCKS but I'll figure it out.  It would cost more to get a new doc and start again (though I'd have my films), both in medical costs and for travel. 

Honestly, I truly need this surgery.  I get worse by the day and truly feel disabled by the pain.  I have such a limited store of energy and have to think through every little task.  Dropping a sock makes my heart stop for a moment (luckily, I've always had quite talented feet and can often grab things with my toes...for whatever reason it doesn't hurt to bring it up to me that way if it is light).  When MM gets home, he bends over the back of the couch to give me a kiss and I can't always tilt back enough to meet him.  The grocery run is much more of a true chore. 

I've done it right.  I fought through the pain but went to a doctor when it became clear it was more than just soreness.  I sought out the right specialists.  I tried epidural shots, despite my terror of needles.  I spent months in PT in Boston building muscle (some lost during the pain, some neglected) and trying to gain flexibility (I'm never gonna be bendy).  I kept it up on my own but sought more PT when I was going further dowhill and that time worked on building my core.  After stopping PT, I kept up a solid mix of the two routines and I'm strong despite the fact that it is hard to lift when yoy hurt and are low energy.  I've gone through tests, including the scary discogram. 

Surgery is what's left.  It is scary.  I trust the docs but I am nervous about the long and slow recovery.  I need it.  I'm not living a full life (and neither is MM, though he's been wonderful through this all). 

Maybe the insurance folks just need to check an address.  But it's going to be a long wait of staring at the phone.