sharing...

I confess...that I totally wish it upon others.

The "proper" thing to say about an illness, or really any trying experience, is that you wouldn't wish it upon anyone else. I'd like to be that noble, but I'm so not. It is someone else's turn to deal with this. Okay, I'd prefer it not be passed to someone I care about, but I'm ready to give it to someone new.

I've dealt with chronic pain as a result of endometriosis for years now (and, in retrospect, for a long time before the diagnosis) and I'm simply tired of it. It takes way too much energy to fight somedays. On the occasions that my pills work and relieve the pain I feel such utter bliss in being pain-free...is that how "normal" people feel every day? Color me jealous. I refuse to take the pills when I don't really really need it, but pain-free is a feeling that I bet few appreciate.

I have an odd relationship too with more serious diseases. Of course, I'm not saying I want something life threatening. But they get so much more attention. It is hard having a non-banner condition. People don't "get it" readily...they don't know how to react to it. And it also doesn't get the attention of researchers and such. They simply throw up their hands and say "oh well...take some pain pills". I'm all for breast cancer research and certainly would pick a pink ribbon product over a similar non-ribbon item. But where's my campaign?? I have ONCE seen a mention of proceeds going to research on this condition...tee shirts at a winery in Cali where I must presume they had a personal connection. Iironically, they didn't have any in my size (see yesterday's post). I wonder too if it would be different if affected men. Somehow, I doubt the (still male dominated) medical world would be as blase about it. If men were doubling over too, someone would be listening.

I am not the best person, but I am not a bad person. The world has bad people. One of them can take this damn disease. They can take the pain and the fatigue and the toil on the immune system that leaves me both more vulnerable to catching things and in more pain when I do because I'm worn down. I've done my time.