cheers

I confess...I'm not giving up my diet soda. You can point me to proof it's bad for me, but I'm hanging on to that bad habit. I know it hurts my bones and has evil chemicals. I know it would be good to stop. But I have no plan to do so (and, while I appreciate links friends shared recently, I don't need any further information on it).

I am, however, working on another habit. I'm not religious (technically, I'm Jewish but see that as more cultural than religious...I do love my Quakers but I think I am truly an agnostic) so it isn't a Lent thing, though I notice the timing. I have noted before that I don't "do" New Year's Resolutions because I believe we make changes when the changes are ready to be made. And I think this is a ready point for me.

I am going to take the month of March away from alcohol. To be clear, I am not an alcoholic. I don't have a problem with it and I expect it'll come back in time. My normal habit has been some wine on Friday and Saturday night. Rarely more than 3 glasses, usually over a long period of time and with food. I'll have a bottle over Friday and Saturday...with glasses spread from 1PM to 10PM (note: it wasn't till after work hours when that was an issue). I simply enjoy red wine. I love the flavor and the texture. And the little bit of relaxation doesn't hurt.

I've been drinking more than that lately. I blame that on the early relationship phase where you just go out more and feel like celebrating. It isn't an amount I/we would ever have sustained over a long period. We absolutely get along wonderfully sober so it isn't some sort of relationship crutch. We are just as happy and content sober and relaxing at home as we are out and about or home with an open Malbec. It really is just having fun together and celebrating the fact that we found each other.

But it has been too much. I could step back to my normal zone. I think my normal zone is completely healthy for me. But I'm also in a horrid fight with my body. The endo and back have both been fierce fighters. On the doctor's beloved pain scale, I think 8 is becoming status quo. I am being proactive on the back and seeing a new doc on the 21st. I am trying to work with my body. It isn't smart to become bedridden and I mentally can't give up the gym but I'm taking care and trying not to push. I can't let the endo be an excuse, it won't go away and the workout won't harm it. The back is a mixed bag. Being active is good for back pain but I know it throws my form off and I want to avoid secondary injuries (this is from experience)

I'm tired a lot. I blame the pain. No one without chronic pain can really understand how totally draining it is. I sleep a lot. And have little physical energy during the day. My weekdays are really simple...I stay in bed, I get up and watch TV while going online and doing job apps plus more enjoyable stuff, I eventually stumble to the gym, I check in online, I watch TV. I'm still constantly tired. I can get through my workout with the blessing of endorphins and with the drill sergeant in my head (not always a friend to me and my body...). Body Tired, not always Sleepy Tired. The tired where you just need to sit and let your body sink away.

I'm also not thrilled with my weight. I've dropped a little bit since the New Year.  Smiling around the new guy must burn calories since it clearly hasn't been diet-related (note: in my world, "diet" = "food I eat", not a restriction plan). I'd really love to drop a little more. It is pure vanity. It isn't health. My body is at a healthy weight and I look fine. I know people would correct that and say "more than fine." I have image issues but even I can see that my weight is only an issue to me and that my current form is plenty slim. But I still feel best a bit trimmer and the goal level isn't unhealthy eaither.

So...I've decided I want to feel in control and that taking a break from the alcohol will help. I last had a drink on Thursday (yes, I had too many then..which spurred the self-eval). I am not having another in March. I may continue beyond that, but no promises. This is a health move, to see how my body reacts. It is also a mental challenge. I do like the idea of asserting control over it even though I am not an alcoholic and it isn't really something that controls me. It isn't an addiction (the diet soda totally is...I do know that) but it is certainly a habit. I like the idea of trying this. I also REALLY like the money it will save. The guy is doing it too, he is planning to stick with it even longer, and I know it will be a huge budget boost. Again, we'd never have kept up the early dating habits forever, but our tabs haven't been cheap. We can totally find other uses for that cash.

That's the plan. If you know me in person, know that I'm not drinking for a while. Know that I am NOT pregnant...everyone assumes that when a woman isn't drinking but I promise it isn't the case. I may go past March, I may not. If I say "no thanks" to a drink, please let it pass at that. If I go back to my wine after March, I won't see that as any sort of defeat. If I don't, please still respect that (and continue to avoid that darn pregnancy assumption!!). Again, I know I don't have a problem with alcohol...I have my issues, that really isn't one. Just deciding to try an experiment and see where it goes.

Cheers (w/ my Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper)?