a really rambly post continuing the talking theme

I confess...I finished a book so should be writing a book but instead I want to ramble more and expand on the last post. Which in a way is ironic since the main point is that I know I talk less than the average person. Warning -- I know this is more disjointed than most. My back is bad and I took some medicine to help and am a bit disjointed (EMPLOYERS -- I WRITE BETTER THAN THIS!!).

I don't feel the need to speak nearly as much as others seem to....and I know it can drive others nuts (AGAIN, EMPLOYER-TYPES, THIS IS SOCIAL ME...I INTERACT WELL IN AN OFFICE SETTING WITH FOLKS AT ALL LEVELS...I LIKE TO SHARE A STORY ABOUT MY LAST DAY IN MY ATTORNEY JOB TO SHOW THIS, CALL AND ASK ME ABOUT IT). I don't always say "hello" to someone who enters a room (I know this bugs my mom). I don't feel the need to say too much about my day...especially these days when the main difference is the level of pain and whether or not I had PT. I have a very busy inner monologue but rarely actually talk aloud to myself (though my thoughts are often in fully-formed sentences...is that normal??). I admit I'll speak under my breath when I'm upset/arguing...stuff I want to voice but don't want heard...but most of my spoken words are meant to be heard. I call out Jeopardy answers if people are around but never if I'm alone.

There's a listening side here too. I get thrown sometimes when people chatter, especially if I'm involved in another task. I think I concentrate more on verbal exchanges than most (see prior post)...I mostly speak if I really want something heard and, in return, I really listen if someone else speaks. I sometimes throw in a comment about a TV show, but it is carefully timed to fall in a silence. It drives me nuts if people talk over a show since I can't hear both at once. And I'm often truly watching and listening rather than using the TV as background noise.

I think this may tie in to a hearing issue. I can't distinguish sounds too well...in my old apartment, I had to turn the TV up when the air conditioner fired up and I had trouble with conversations when I was on the train. My mom's a former speech therapist and says this is a figure/ground issue. A hearing aid wouldn't help since it isn't volume but rather the ability to separate sounds.

I think it is also about attention. I want to be listened to when I speak so I want to listen when you speak. If you are just talking to talk...or talking more to yourself...I have difficulty. I've started to just plain ask whether my mom is talking to me or just thinking aloud. And, while it may be sad, I do often really want to pay attention to things like my book or a TV show (especially my favorites!!). I can multi-task with many things, but it's harder for me when it involves listening and/or speaking. So, unless it is time-sensitive, it helps to wait to the commercial (or ask me to look up from my book).

The X (see http://clg1213.blogspot.com/2010/10/status-update.html for definition) was (well, is) a talker. And the difference definitely frustrated both of us. He'd decide to talk less to accommodate me but seemed to put that into practice at inconvenient times. If we're at dinner, let's talk. But I kind of like companionable silence when sitting on the couch or driving in the car.

So...I'm not sure how to wrap-up here. If I don't say "hi" when you enter the room, don't think I don't care. If you're talking to yourself, warn me and all is good. Gilmore Girls is on in twenty minutes, so talk to me on the commercial (oddly, I could read a reply here easier than listen to someone speak). Forgive me for being a bit of an odd-duck. It isn't you, it's totally me.