lost

I confess....that I really need a sign. I'm not sure I believe in "signs," but I need one anyway.

Years ago, I remember hearing about how people in my generation would change jobs and careers many times over a lifetime. And I laughed. Because that wouldn't be me. I got in line. I went to a "good" college and a career-focused grad program. I went off to be a lawyer. And it didn't click. I didn't have the passion for it that people needed to survive, let alone thrive, in that world. And while a change of focus might have helped a bit, I really simply can't see myself doing it again. I don't have it in my heart.

So I moved on. And I'm in recruiting (for lawyers). It might be closer to right, but it still isn't right. I don't have the stomach for commissions. And it doesn't quite mesh right with that statement, but I also am not motivated enough by the bottom line to put in my whole self. I feel like my results have had very little correlation to my effort. I do get some sense of reward from the work, but not enough and those moments are too few and far between. Would I feel better if I were more successful? Or would I be more successful if I felt better? I don't know. But it isn't "right" and I'm not feeling happy.

So....what now? I don't feel called to anything. It is nearly impossible to look for a job when you don't know what you want to be. What do I even pick on the Monster pull-down menu for occupation category? How do I start? I really don't want to go back to school, especially because I'm afraid I'd pick another wrong path. But I feel like I'm over and under-qualified for everything all at once. And then you add in the economy....I need to go, but there's no place to go.

How do people KNOW what to be, what to do? My husband knows. He's got his gripes, but he loves his job. And I'm happy he does. But sometimes that makes it a little harder....I can't get out of bed for work, he can't stop thinking about his because it's truly a passion.

Where's my sign? I don't need a job that totally defines me, but I need one that fits.