Element One:
I believe that learning to love and accept (but mostly love) our bodies is a crucial component of finding joy and becoming an adult...esp for those with food and body issues in their past. Learning, truly learning, to love your body is one step towards wisdom. For me, this means appreciating my body for all it can do. And it COULD do crazy things (I'll talk about my half marathon till my final day). But now..
How can I love a body that only seems intent on making me suffer? That threw (visible) hives at an already awkward junior high student who had to bring a whole box of tissues to school b/c she went through that many? Then the endo. Then the back. Not to mention the low functioning immune system. How do I love this??
ASIDE - Of course, people have it MUCH worse. But that doesn't actually take away the problem. I'm good enough at guilt so please don't leave me with more (i.e How can you complain about back pain when people are dying?)
I don't tend to get excited about things, which is weird and a bit sad. But I also don't tend to get anxious. So the terror-level fear I'm feeling about the surgery in May is unusual for me. I have thought I needed revision surgery for years now. It has been where I thought we'd end up, even as i plodded through non-surgical options. I've been waiting; now I am formally waiting since it is formally happening. This is it. The Answer is coming in lat May
But....
What if....
it isn't?
What if this doesn't work? What if my pain is still there? Or worse?
Synthesis:
I've had trouble with food lately. Mini-binges (see:me on BED, eating disorder group on BED, same group on formal inclusion in diagnostic manual). And with working out, I've ricocheted from feeling unable to move because i can't get motivated to feeling unable to move because i way overdid it.
It took time till I connected the dots.
I know I need to stay positive. I DO believe it will work. But the "whatifs" (I imagine scrawny little furballs) are whisperring in my ears
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