Thursday, March 22, 2012

where i'm at

I should skip this post if you have a low whining threshold 'cause the only honest update I can give is pretty negative.

I've dealt with chronic pain for years but thi is by far the highest level of unrelenting pain that I've faced.  I've taken to my bed for an evening, but this has had me all but bed-ridden for the better part of a month.  When I sit, it feels like I have a pole jammed up into my spine and the pain is often at an 8 on the 1-10 scale.  Staying in bed doesn't eliminate the pain, but it is lower.  Today even lying still gives me pain around a 6....which is hard to tolerate for a long term.

I've tried to walk a bit but even I know I can't do my usual six miles.  It's bad enough pain that I don't even feel guilty not doing my whole workout, which say a LOT.  The pain level when I walk is between the degree I have sitting and the amount in bed but I get horrid rebound pain a few hours later.  I'm also DRENCHED after even a mile which I think is a sign my body is working a lot harder than normal.

On that note, the stress of pain is an issue in itself.  When I saw the sleep doc, my blood pressure was normal but the nurse clocked my pulse rate at 100bpm.  It always runs high but not usually THAT high.  The other night when I tried to sit through a full hour show, I felt like my heart was beating through my chest.  I counted and got a whopping 120bpm.  All I was doing was sitting on the couch.  Dr Dad confirmed that it is likely stress (and that I didn't need to run to the ER).

No word yet on the MRI, but there's also so much they don't show.  I'm wondering if the cages in my back are pressing on something.  I know from the endo that the smallest thing can cause intense pain if it hits the wrong nerve.  A friend in a support group I used post-op also mentioned a hardware slip, anther one mentioned SI joint issues.  The pain is definitely localized and it isn't radiating at all (which it did pre-op).  I get sore/stiff in the rest of my spine but my former-gym-rat-self can tell it is just secondary pain.  It is very much my low back, frankly right above my butt, that's the issue.  It isn't a stabbing, more like the knife is already there and it is being twisted or, like I mentioned earlier, like I'm sitting on a pole.

I'm finally down to only one week until the pain management doc.  I'm aware that I won't walk away cured.  I know they don't like to just prescribe meds and I agree that it needs a more direct treatment which would probably take another appointment to do.  I need to feel the hope of a plan though.  I missed out on a gorgeous weekend (I pushed and sat outside a bit....and paid for it later) and I know I'm driving MM a bit nuts but I can't think much beyond the pain.  The days feel so long...I'm taking medicine to help my sleep (with a specialist's blessing) and I honestly look forward to going to sleep from the moment I wake up.


EndoJoanna said...
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EndoJoanna said...

Let's try that again! I am so sorry for the pain. I have been told the pain right above the butt means nerve involvement (I suffer with that as well). I know your kind of pain can be so very disabling and isolating. But don't give up on better days. You are not alone. Take care of yourself friend.

Annabelle said...

So sorry, Cheryl. Sustaining that level of pain for so long would put anyone on the edge. I hope the pain management doctor has some good ideas about where to go with your treatment.

Hang in there.