on wood chips, grocery stores, and farmland

 "---- Area School District Property"

(Side Note: The treadmill has been broken for much of the summer, they "fixed" it and it'd be good for a bit and then stop again. After three failed repairs, the new treadmill comes tomorrow. Walking outside is much harder on my body, as in crying at night after many walks, but I'm stubborn.   I "write" while I walk, especially when I can't watch TV and read magazines.  Still, I've been struggling with energy and neglecting the blog.  My pain-fogged mind has meant my ghost-blogging takes a lot more time and saps all of my writing energy.  All of which means I've "written" this post half a dozen times, but never committed it to actual writing). 

The signs appeared early this summer and have been the topic of discussion here in the Rambling Man (I am highly amused by that combination of "Rambling Blogger" and "Military Man") household.  They've been the subject of even more mental ramblings and a good bit of thought about what may follow.

I moved to Lower Bucks County when I was eight, the summer before 4th grade.  My mom had married my step-father not long before and the relocation to southeast PA was for his new job.  We'd been in New York....a nicer part of the Bronx than people tend to first picture on hearing the word, but still within the NYC boroughs.  The move was to an area that mixed suburbia, small town, and rural living.  Our development (where my mom & step-dad still live) had farms on two sides and one diagonal.  When my mother asked how I'd remember where to get off the school bus, I proudly said it was the stop next to the wood chip piles.  She cautioned that the wood chips might not always be there.  I replied: "But Mom, we're in the country now!" 

While the wood chips were there as long as I needed them (and I switched to another bus stop anyway....the complex decisions of youth...), her prognostication (I'll collect my 50 cents) proved correct and the pile eventually disappeared.  It happened gradually, starting with two very large homes on one edge of one of the fields (we watched them go up from the bus stops).  In time, the farms bordering our neighborhood were all gone, replaced by houses, houses, and more houses.  They added some small roads within the developments, but they all dumped onto the same "main" roads which resulted in back-ups that made the town seem even more crowded than it was. 

When people in Central PA hear we grew up in Lower Bucks, they almost inevitably mention the traffic.  A friend who is also a transplant to Central PA from Lower Bucks (a classmate of mine but one I didn't know...the sole high school was bursting at the seams by the time we graduated) reported that one person asked how she was finding the quiet environs out here after growing up out there.  She replied, quite accurately, that the Central PA of today is not all that different from the way it was in Lower Bucks when we were kids.  MM likes to recall riding his 4-wheeler into "town"...home to a few retail establishments, including a Woolworth's style store, a small video rental place, and a grocery store that somehow sill hangs on despite much larger competitors.  Both MM and I prefer the quieter life of that time, hence enjoying Central PA today (as memorialized in my little series for a freebie paper). 

But, we wonder if time will catch us.  Less than two years ago, our small grocery store was replaced by a sprawling supermarket (same regional chain, much different store).  We didn't see the need, especially since it took away the option of walking there and added a bit more traffic near out street) although we have grown accustomed to the big store.  Aside from on the few inevitable days where it smells like farmland (more accurately, fertilizer), we like having farms nearby.  The big expanse of land in the picture above is just a stone's throw away...our yard backs into another yard, the farm is right across the street from that house.  We can see the land from our kitchen window and both appreciate the solitary tree in the midst of the fields (okay, there are two...but from some viewpoints you only see the one and I think that's much cooler).  The signs, showing the recent purchase of the land from the farmers, seem like....well, a sign.

From what I've read, the school district purchased the land with an eye towards building a track and adding in more athletic fields.  This has me characteristically torn.  I favor public education and know, despite never being involved myself, that athletics can be an important part of schooling (though still think the district needs to work a bit more on literacy and writing skills).  I think it is a bit sad that the baseball team's field is adjacent to the high school but the softball team is housed behind the nearby junior high...it isn't far at all, but it bothers me in principle (especially since it seems like the softball team does better).  Still, I prefer "my" farm (not the typical case of NIMBY...or, more precisely, Not in My Back Yard-neighbor's-front-yard).  MM worries about traffic and noise (it's garbled, resembling a Charlie Brown adult, but we can hear the PA during football games as it is), noting the proximity to the farmland was a big element in favor of choosing the house.

There's other farmland nearby.  We'll still be a quiet little town (at least when there aren't trials and CNN vans).  It is just a few athletic fields, not a big housing development or shopping area.  But, it is the end of one more farm.  And I wonder if it's the start of time catching up with us (and if maybe I should have seen the grocery store as the first sign).  And I still miss my wood chips....

The Note: Disturbing Example of Poor Writing Skills from Local Student

Really, I blog quite often.  Unfortunately, it is in my head and somehow that doesn't make it magically appear here.  I also do six posts a week for my ghost-writing gig and that's taken a lot out of me these days.  This AM was one of the times I stared at words for long stretches with no idea what to do with them and had trouble rephrasing parts of a news story.

This story has been sitting in my head (and, partly, in a drawer) since May 28.  It was while my treadmill was broken and I had to walk outside (MUCH harder on my back).  I was walking across the street from our high school and it was just starting to drizzle.  I spotted a folded up piece of paper and felt compelled to snoop.  It turned out to be a note.  A love note.  There was more rain on the way so I knew putting it back wouldn't do much good....if the recipient even found it, the note would be destroyed.  I feel guilty, but I kept it.

Part of me thinks the note is cute, with the sender marking the anniversary of sitting next to the recipient in Spanish class and realizing he (well, I'm going with "he"....I'll get to that) was in love with the recipient.  A bigger part of me alternated between amused and pretty darn upset.  The author is either a junior or senior and, even granting that a note doesn't always require perfect grammar, the poor writing quality is disturbing.  A few examples:

•  "Remeber" instead of "remember"....multiple times
• Refers to being told to "site" instead of "sit"
• "I new I loved you.  I new, I wanted you"
• "For ever" instead of "forever"....twice
• "Allways"
• Mentions wearing a "flanel"
• "I remeber what you where wearing to" 

It is also a bit confusing (yes, I've spent too much time pondering this letter!) since the author signs it "Your Boy" while referring to the recipient saying "(Female name)...will you site with me today?"  Given my views, I'd be all in favor of a teen being comfortable being transgendered in high school.  However, it is probably more likely that the author is a male and the quote is just another error.

I still feel a bit guilty having the letter.  I'd have put it back where I found it if it wasn't clear it would be destroyed by rain anyway.  But, I admit, I've also gotten an odd level of enjoyment from watching a few people read it and take in the errors.  I've read it several times and I'm still shaking my head as I write this. 

It really does upset me that this is the product of my local schools.  I had a similar reaction to some of the papers submitted by the X's college students.  I feel like we've done a disservice to this student.  I've certainly heard about worse stories, including the number of people who manage to graduate while being functionally illiterate.  Still, I can't imagine a future employer reading something written by the note's author, even a simple note written in a job that doesn't demand a lot of writing. 

I know many wonderful and committed teachers and imagine this has to be more of a system-wide issue than about specific educators.  I want to bring the note to a school board meeting.  I either want to demand my tax money back or demand we invest more funds specifically aimed at literacy-related skills.  I may be biased given my love of both, but I feel that there are few skills as crucial as reading and writing.  Shaking my head isn't fixing anything, I know this.  I need to find a way to do more (though it may need to wait till I have more mental energy). 

Side note: I know the grammar in my blog is FAR from perfect. I admit I don't always proofread. Still, I hope any errors don't distract from the content and don't rise to the level found in the note. 

b/c i don't read ALL the time

I confess....it has been a bad week.  An unexpected increase in my expenses and less than lovely interactions with the X.  A lot of tears, which means a horrid not-responsive-to-Imitrex migraine.  But I really don't want to talk about any of that.

I am the type to leave the TV on in the background during the day but I only have a handful of appointment shows.  Please don't talk during them....I definitely "nest" rather than "hunt" when it comes to watching them.  I've given up a number of shows this year (NCIS, Good Wife) for one reason...or no real reason at all.  Or b/c On Demand is mean (see not updating Parenthood).  I hate to admit this, but I think the shows give my week a bit of structure and more normalcy than I might have given the long-term unemployment.

My appointment shows:

• Once Upon a Time -- I normally am not a fairy-tale, fantasy gal but I've been hooked since Day One.  I have a Bad Girl crush on the Evil Queen/Regina.  Some of the acting (the darn kid) leaves me cold but others blow me away (Mr. Gold/Rumpelstiltsken, Regina/EQ).  I love the gradual flushing out of backstories using different focal tales.
• How I Met Your Mother -- I joined this train really late but there are enough reruns that I'm pretty sure I caught up in a summer.  I'll agree that it needs to move on and a lot of this season has been less than lovely (house party ep sucked) but then they throw in an episode like this week's and hook me again.
• Glee -- I keep debating dropping this one, which MM wouldn't mind (though it does give him an hour to go play his Xbox game w/o me asking him to spend time with me).  This one is more a habit at this point and I suspect I'll eventually abandon it and just read recaps to see what happened since I do still have mild curiosity.
• The Middle - IMO, the most under-rated and under-watched show on TV.  It is just a simple family show, never "edgy" and always something that kids and parents could both enjoy.  The characters are well-done and it never fails to bring me a little joy and warmth.  The Hecks bicker but always have each others backs (often in secret, esp the teen boy).  It is one of the few, maybe even the only, show I can think of that rings true and real.
• Community -- It's coming back next month!!  Pure opposite in some ways of The Middle since it definitely is quirky and uses a lot of storytelling devices.  I love the characters and the relationships.  I do find it has a few "misses" for me (I hated the beloved Paintball episodes) but the "hits" are simply amazing work.  Creative and always different.  And it has Abed.  I love Abed.

Five shows...Not so bad, right?  Just don't call during them.  Or speak unless it is directly show-related and no one on screen is speaking at the same time (my ears aren't good at competing noises). 

some random political ponderings

I confess....I'm gonna get political up in here...

• I'm thrilled that California courts stood up for marriage equality.  This it truly an issue where I just don't get the opposition.  If your religion prevents gay marriage, don't get one....and no one will even make your church perform one.  Marriage is a legal status that should be open to consenting adults regardless of gender.
• What would the groups saying religious employers shouldn't have to cover the pill say about me?  Okay, the "no baby" part helps and all, but I take it to STAY UPRIGHT.  Without the pill, I cannot function.  I haven't heard whether the anti-pill folks care about this...
• I will likely vote for Obama. I can't decide if I'd prefer an easier opponent to beat or prefer someone I'd rather see in office if Obama loses. In 2000, I voted for McCain in the primary....I didn't have the time to caucus, VA had an open Republican primary, and I preferred him to Bush.
• Moon colony?  Really?!? 
• PACs are scary. 
• I have said this before (heck, I've said all this before), but I wish we could require a certain proportion of campaign money be matched with charitable funds.  Or money towards the national debt.  If you can spend on glorified advertising, you can spend on something helpful too.  Yes, that is a value statement that political advertising is rarely helpful, at least in today's environment where there's plenty of news outlets available for true informational messaging. 
• I prefer Colbert to Stewart.  That's more entertainment than political.  Then again, I'm not sure there's a difference these days.

Really, I mostly wanted to say the first of the bullets but felt the need to make a few more to round things out (and b/c a HS teacher said to never have just one item in a list).

politics schmolitics

I confess...it is hard for me to define, and hard for me to evaluate, my political involvement these days... 

I certainly learned liberal views in my youth. I had an extra level of attention to women's matters....the teacher required a permission slip for me to do my chose ninth grade term paper topic of female circumcision in The Color Purple. I sat very far from the top-down management boy in my AP US History group (LOVED "opposites" day....he had to be all for the little folks and turned colors as he tried to do so, I just really had fun being the dictator)

I think getting active in college had a lot to do with proximity to start.  A few folks in my building were going to the Haverford Activits Collective meeting and I tagged along.  My roommate EH headed up a fight against Internet censorship that had us making a million little blue ribbons in our living room.  Later that year, reading period fell on 12/13 and we went to DC....my 18th birthday, in DC was darn cool.   I'm not sure that many of our meetings had been well-researched on their sides.  Saw Santorum, then junior senator for PA, and recall his folks solving the homelessness problems by having churches take people in.  I asked who his church had assigned to his home but didn't get a reply.  We had a photo op with Dole who is smiling amid seven liberal Democrats and three communists.

I did the requisite campaign work in college too.  In the first go on a House campaign, our candidate lost by about 80 votes.  In a U.S. House race, that's well below a percentage point.  It hammered home the reality that voting does matter (and the first time I voted, I'd "met" everyone I voted for...counting working for a Clinton rally as a meet).  The next time, I was still only a volunteer but started a full year before the race when there was one staffer, me, and the same roomie from the blue ribbons.  "We" won.  My friend had become a staffer but I never did.  Still, the original staff girl touched me when she said the three of us really made a congressman b/c it never could have gotten there without the early days of check copying and filing and such.  

I believed.  And have seen that "it matters"....but....  

Fast forward. 

I consider myself more informed than average, but I find the whole world of politics frustrating.  To use a phrase I've stolen from somewhere, I'm not sure there's much "there" there.  I can't stomach the debates because it feels like as much pageantry as Toddlers & Tiaras.  I read the details of the State of the Union the next morning....it is much less annoying with the forty minutes of clapping.  I care who I vote for (and will most likely vote for Obama again...I don't see much case in which I wouldn't), but I can't get up the excitement I used to have to work at or even attend a campaign event....especially for a national level race that feels too big and too, well, political.

I'm not sure there's a point here.  I think it isn't unusual to have more spirit at 20 than at 34 for such things.  It is sad.  Yet, I'm not sure if it's "me" or "them" that's the issue....

hints from the lazy rambler

I confess...I am not handy, fancy, or fashion-forward.  I think that this makes me an ideal hint-er.  Heloise spends a lot more time on everything than I do...it takes special skills to be lazy.  So, for my lovely readers, assorted tips from the Rambler...

BEAUTY

• Although I kick them off at some point every night, I tend to start out with socks on in bed.  I like slathering my feet with lotion beforehand, ideally sitting on the bed so I can avoid standing after socking-up.  Helps keep my gym-worn feet a bit softer.
• Maybe this is obvious but I didn't start doing it until I was in my 20s...in the shower, I'll shampoo first and then put on conditioner. I'll shave and wash up while the conditioner soaks in. Multi-tasking both saves water and lets the conditioner work longer than if I was twiddling my thumbs for a minute.
• Another hair tip -- I have THICK and long hair. I do NOT need volume but, when I've been able to w/ the back issues, I flip and dry my hair upside down a bit first. It speeds drying by getting to the underlayers and I finish upright which takes out the excess volume.
• Plucking eyebrows is easier after face-washing...kinda similar to shaving after exfoliating.  Both make it easier to get "at" the hair and do a thorough job.

MONEY-ISH

• I pick and chose generic products. Most drugstore stuff is pretty equivalent, especially medicines since they are subject to rules. I test out generic sodas....some are perfectly fine but others will go to waste because they simply aren't as good. Unless there's a sale, most of the store-brand yogurts work fine for me but I see a marked difference in frozen meals. 
• If I'm buying something online, I'll do a quick search for "STORE coupon codes". More often than not, I can get some degree of discount or free shipping. It takes a few minutes to dig through the websites and try codes to see if they work, but it is totally worth it. I find I buy stuff I don't really use if I focus on paper coupons, but this is focused on something I'm already buying. 
• I use the same credit card for almost all online purchases. I haven't had any issues, but I'd be able to spot a fraudulent charge faster since I check the bill knowing it is the riskier one. 
• I don't carry a credit card balance. Obviously, this isn't possible for everyone. It is nice though to have a card you know you'll pay off....you can pick one with good rewards that might have a higher APR. My Amazon Visa isn't the best rate but the points add up and the rate is irrelevant since I wouldn't use it if I didn't know I could pay the bill. Folks with a balance could use a lower interest one for bigger bills but still keep a good points one for bills they can pay.

HOUSEHOLD

• Not only is men's Barbasol cheaper than frilly girl shave gels, I like it MUCH better. However, I suppose because most men don't shave in the shower, it lacks the rust-proof bottom. When I don't have it sitting on another item, it leaves awful rust rings. Solution that totally works -- Coat the bottom "ring" with clear nail polish. Easy and effective.
• I have two laundry hampers. I kept ending up building a new "pile" when the hamper was holding clean clothes that I hadn't gotten around to putting away. The spare is smaller, which encourage me to eventually put away stuff, but it keeps PJs and sweaty gym stuff from sitting on the floor for a day or two mid-laundry-process.
• I haven't been able to help with cleaning much of late, but I always do bigger jobs post-workout. It allows me to shower after cleaning, which helps with allergies and just feels "earned". It is also nice to shower in a freshly cleaned bathroom.
• A little plastic crate keeps my bedside "necessities" (meds, lotion, etc) handy but under control.

WRITING

• When I need to write something professional, I try to spread out writing and editing. I find it too easy to overlook errors immediately after they are made and I am more likely to catch more intangible things that are "off" (like a sentence that made sense to me when I wrote it but wouldn't make sense outside my head) when I am a bit removed.  
• I also find that the tip-of-my-tongue, perfect word is more likely to come when I step away than when I'm sitting and pondering. If time isn't on my side, the Word thesaurus is a start but sometimes I get closer if I just play with Google a bit and either type in the less-ideal-substitute or the general context.
• The number one thing to focus on in ANY writing project -- the audience.  I've written for judges, lawyers, hiring professionals, and the general public.  Heck, I've written for my own amusement.  I try to keep the audience in my head, especially if it is something I'm being paid for, and to respect the reader while not assuming knowledge they may not have. 

RANDOM

• I think I've said this one before, but the little "button bags" that carry spare parts for new clothes are PERFECT for stashing medicine.  I tuck the bag into a pocket of my wallet w/ "might be needed" medicine and it keeps them clean and easy to access.
• I like leaving random cards for MM.  I'll buy a few at a time so I've got one to leave out if the mood strikes or cheering-up is needed.
• I totally plan my workouts around mindless but entertaining TV.  It makes the treadmill time much easier. 

wherein i jump on the holiday survey bandwagon

I confess...this is an odd time for me to jump on the blog survey wagon, but it seemed fun.  My mother's family is Jewish so there wasn't a holiday debate as a kid....I spent X-mas at my father's every year.  During my childhood, that included a step-mother (I have a new one now, the old one fit the "wicked" moniker but the new one is very kind) and half-siblings (when it was still unusual enough that people asked what a half-brother and half-sister looked like).  As an adult, some were spent quietly and others with X's family.  This year, MM and I will have a quiet holiday at home.  I am hoping to get brave and make a roasted chicken (better sized for two than other similar meals).

So, my holidays were always a bit different and I'm not a religious person but I still feel like playing.  Stolen from Tina (if you are an ATL friend and need a personal trainer, call her!!  and read her stories if you're a fellow fighter against the binge-eating demon): 

Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? All wrapped, but rarely well!!

Colored lights on tree/house or white?  I prefer simple so white/silver and blue.  Maybe it is my way of blending in Hanukah colors.  MM says his chili-pepper lights are required.  I'm down with that, though they are distracting when set on "blink".  Our neighbor across the street must have doubled his electric bill this month!!

Do you hang mistletoe? No.  Kisses shouldn't be forced

What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?  It's varied so much over recent years, but I made MM my mom's lox rolls at T-day and look forward to them at family gatherings on that side.  As a kid, my dad's house had a huge X-mas Eve gathering.  I hated ham which was always the entree for days on end but loved various pastry-laden appetizers and the corn casserole

Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Given that Dad is a surgeon, much of my time on visits as a kid was really w/ wife 2 who I always knew kind of hated that I existed and my half-siblings, who were fun but the 5 year gap was a lot.  But Dad and I were in charge of a bunch of errands on X-mas Eve before the big party and I loved that time together.

Snow? Love it or dread it? It is lovely to watch but needs to time itself kindly....it can fall when I am not going anyplace but should stop and be gone when I need to exit the door. 

Real tree or fake tree?  No real opinion

What’s the most important thing about Christmas for you?  I'm not religious.  I'll resist the temptation to say cookies and say I love watching people feel a sense of community and joy.

What is your favorite Holiday dessert?  Gingerbread cookies!!  But it is tough....I'm not good at control so I really need single-serving desserts and they can be tough to find.

What is your favorite tradition? Too many variables to really answer these days. 

 

 

What tops your tree? Same.

What is your favorite Christmas Song?  Because I cried like a baby at the scene in Love, Actually, "All I Want For X-mas Is You". 

What do you leave for Santa?  No kids, so nothing.  But I'm recalling the little girl in an ad who got awesome gifts and explained she'd left cheese.

Do you have a Christmas morning tradition? Again, too varied.  Quality PJ time is always good!

Do you prefer to shop on-line or at the mall? Online.  I hate crowds so get any mall-going done a few weeks in advance.  I like the options online too and generally can find deals to compensate for shipping (or get it free).  This year, I was loving the Signals stuff too....I joined the "club" and did get some coupons to use that paid for the membership but those had to be ordered by phone which was somehow incredibly annoying to me.

A Follow-Up Post: Further Thoughts on the Sandusky Story

I confess...a lot is swirling in my head.  I'm going to pick one topic though, to keep things under control, and it is one I already rambled about before. 

I continue to follow the Sandusky case more than I really want to admit.  I'm not sure what it is that compels me to tune in to the story.  I've lived in cities so it isn't the first time I had a national story in my backyard (I lived only a couple miles from the so-called Craigslist Killer, my shuttle van driver went to his complex after mine), even if it is unusual for Central PA.  Part of it is about hoping to see justice, especially for child victims.  Part of it is about the way we idolize sports figures and other celebrities as well.  But there's something else and I just can't put my finger on it.  I was sick of Casey Anthony and Conrad Murray after a day or two, but I keep seeking more details this time. 

However, I am NOT interested in attending the hearing next week.  The courthouse is in our small town that neighbors State College.  We aren't right there downtown, but we do live only a mile and a hald from the courthouse.  Out town does NOT get crowds...the highway is a bit busier on game days but the traffic isn't in our town itself.  It seems odd that they are doing a lottery for seats, with a portion for media and a portion for the public.  I guess though that it might be the easiest way and prevent some sort of crazy standing in line that might otherwise be the default.   Regardless, it will be nuts.

There is so much tragedy in this story.  It is horrible to imagine how many kids might have been hurt and hard to understand how people turned a blind eye.  But I'm also trying to focus on some positive outcomes.  I hope the attention makes it a little easier for victims of abuse, past or present, to come forward.  I cannot imagine how hard that is, especially when the perpetrator is touted as such a great community-centered advocate for youth and part of an idolized sports saga.  I had a teacher who blurred the lines once, I didn't even speak up about that (it was borderline, not at all akin to the Sandusky accusations).  The stranger cases are the exception and most victims trust their abuser, making it much harder to speak about the abuse.  I imagine it is even worse for boys/men.  I hope this encourages past victims to seek help and anyone currently dealing with it to speak up. 

Side note: Lawyers need to advertise.  I write for a legal blog and part of the blog's purpose is advertising.  It is important that victims be able to identify legal resources.  I think advertising that you represent abuse victims is appropriate.  I am not so fond of a local lawyer whose TV ad specifically targets victims of the PSU abuse.  It feels a step too far to me. 

I am also encouraged by the call for reform in reporting rules.  Many laws do exist that acknowledge the special challenge of child abuse, including mandatory reporting obligations on many people who have contact with children and suspect abuse.  This case makes it clear that we need more such rules.  We need a system that makes it crystal clear what needs to be done when allegations or suspicions arise in ANY system that involves children.  Two people spoke here....well, at least two.  I do have a level of sympathy for them, both were lower in the food-chain and both did "report up" about what they saw.  A rule that makes it mandatory for those receiving these reports bring them to the police is needed.  It is best for the kids.  It also just eliminates the choice, which I hope these people at least struggled with. 

I have also been heartened to see the community dedicate energy to fundraising and other efforts to stop abuse.  In my first post on the scandal, I expressed hope that the community would take all the emotion and turn it into positive action.  That happened at the first game after the news broke and continues to happen.  Some of it is a PR thing, PSU will have to work to get its reputation back and they have announced several efforts including donating bowl game proceeds to charity and working on a special center dedicated to helping abuse victims.  I see the mixed motives, but I'll take it. 

I hope the victims find justice.  I hope that others speak up if they were also victims, especially those within the limitations period (another side note: I want to say "He misused it.  Cut it off." but I do believe we need to let the system work and in proving guilt in court).  And I hope this tragedy helps us, as a society, learn and move ahead to a better and safer world.

P.S.  I feel silly noting it at all, so minor in the sweep of things, but I will admit the press on the 13th are not here for me.  And I'll see it as an excuse to spend my birthday/hearing day in my PJs. 

Not-So-Happy Valley

I confess...I am captivated by the story, much more than I'd have imagined.  I live just outside State College.  The region is known as Happy Valley but there's truly nothing happy in this saga and, November weather aside, the town feels very gray and somber.  Beyond a quick sports score report, our local stories are rarely national news.  Until this week when the story of football coach Jerry Sandusky repeatdly abusing young boys hit the news.  The story became more involved when it became clear that other university representatives were aware of the situation, including Joe Paterno ("Joe Pa" to the town), the head coach of the football team, a legend in college sports and an idol in this town. 

Of course, my heart aches for the victims of this abuse.  It went on too long.  Even one innocent life disrupted is too many.  There are currently nine victims listed and there is little doubt that there are many more out there.  The evidence, including two separate eye-witness accounts by adults who observed blatant sexual abuse, is pretty convincing.  I do believe in our presumption of innocence, but I have a hard time thinking that this many stories are all false.  Other than a few purporting to reserve judgment until everything is heard, I have only heard condemnation for Sandusky.  The outrage at the allegations is just.  It is cases like these that make me wish we had truly harsh penalties for serial child abusers (i.e. you misused "it", we're gonna cut it off).  Okay, I wouldn't want that system most days, but I can't deny feeling like jail would be too easy.

When you get beyond Sandusky, I do think it gets more complex.  I took a course called Higher Education & The Law and I know that there are very complex rules that govern colleges and universities.  These rules can be especially detailed with a large university such as PSU.  It seems clear that Joe Paterno was informed of the abuse on at least two occasions by direct eye-witnesses.  These weren't "iffy" cases, like a hug that lingered too long, and the reports were clear.  In turn, Paterno reported the incidents to his superiors.  This is, from what I can tell, what the rules dictated.  Although there may be added wrinkles given that children were involved and child abuse does have some strict reporting guidelines, it seems like Paterno did follow the letter of the law.  Moral duty is a whole different question and I do think his failure to go beyond the reporting scheme likely allowed Sandusky's actions to claim more victims. 

I can see an argument for staying within the rules, a trust that they work and an attempt to avoid any potential false claims even though that does not feel likely to be happening here.  Even when someone is fully cleared, I doubt they can ever recover their reputation after a false allegation of sexual misdeeds, especially with a child.  I don't think this excuses anyone but I do think it merits note.  It seems to me that Joe Pa should have done more, but that the people to whom he reported bear even more of that responsibility. 

I understand the decision to fire Joe Pa.  Even more, I understand the decision to fire the University President.  Several in the middle resigned.  I think that would have been a smarter (and nobler) move for all.  PSU seems to have given them the chance and only acted when it became clear they didn't plan on it (Joe Pa said he'd retire at the end of the season).  I do not condone the violence in some student protests, but I can also feel a bit for the students.  Most of the protesters have been peaceful.  They are 20 year old kids whose idol was just ripped out from under them.  They want to still believe in him.  He did a lot for the team and for the school and, in a way only young people can, they feel this vivdly.  I do not think they are demeaning the victims...none are protesting in favor of Sandusky.  I think they just feel like Joe Pa, a beloved figure, is being made a scapegoat.  He followed the rules and that is what they see.  Beyond that, it is complex and they may not be ready to take it all in.  They want to believe in Santa, even after seeing presents in the closet.

And that idolization leads me to another thought.  I've heard some people say "this isn't about football, it is about abuse."  Of course, it is about abuse.  There's no question there and no question that nothing can give back to the victims the innocence they lost.  But, it IS about football too.  It is about idols and heroes.  It is about the power we place in the hands of the few.  The degree to which people worship the team and its leadership is a big issue here.  It is always hard for victims to come forward.  Especially children.  Especially boys.  This is exponentially increased when the abuse is perpetrated by people in power.  Sandusky was seen as a "great" and the full package.  He was not only an athletic leader but also a mentor dedicated to helping young people succeed.  This gave him access and granted him more silence.  It is hard to speak against a hero and even harder to speak against someone you are told is providing opportunity to so many young people.  This makes the analogy to the church abuse scandals feels very apt.  This story is about football because it is football, and the community work that grew out of his football career, that gave Sandusky power.  It gave him the silence of his victims and no doubt also made it harder for the eye-witnesses to report the crimes.  A winning and loved coach versus a janitor, in a town that worships sport and loves idols. 

Taking a pretty big tangent onto the sport....I also feel awful for the members of the team.  In general, I think high-level college athletes are spoiled.  I'm not a fan of the amount of glory (and, in ways that sneak around rules, fiscal reward) we give to the college football elite.  But these kids certainly have worked hard to excel at their sport and, for lack of an eloquent way to put this, it just stinks that their college sports career will be forever marred by this story.  It will be a tough remainder of the season and their football days will always be associated with events over which they had no control.  They are certainly not to blame. 

There are talks of boycotts.  Others seem even more likely to attend this week's game because they view it as a way to show support for Paterno.  I admit I'll be interested in seeing how the Saturday game unfolds, both in the stands and on the fields.  Of all the suggestions I've seen on how the community should respond, my favorite involves fans still attending the games (assuming they'd have gone prior) but wearing black to show grief for the abuse victims (others say blue but that doesn't feel like a strong message to me since it is "normal" for fans to don blue and white). 

There's a lot of emotion in this story and a lot of emotion in this town.  Legacies will be altered by the story, sports history will be written about these days.  The town and the school need time to process and time to grieve.  Tee-shirts have long advertised a city that Bleeds Blue and White.  There are wounds, especially given that the school often prided itself on a team that did right in addition to winning games.  I think the strength of the community will, however, let it move ahead.  It will heal. 

As for the victims, I doubt they can ever fully heal and they cannot be given back what they lost.  But I hope they find help and find their feet.  Maybe that's actually the best way forward...for the school and the community to show support for ALL victims of abuse.  There is little that is better for the spirit than a united cause.  I hope the community can use all this energy and all the spirit behind it to help prevent future abuse and help victims find support and guidance. 

ugly in pink

I confess...I initially thought it was just the jealousy.  I've talked before about how I have a bit of ribbon-envy.  Endometriosis is a life-altering condition that simply seems to be ignored while other diseases get the front page treatment.  Breast cancer is certainly one of those.  I see the pink ribbons and I DO understand it is important to dedicate time and money to researching and educating folks, but I also feel like it is presented as the only disease out there.  I want my ribbon.

So, I think I noticed the increase in pink more than others might.  It just seems like, especially in October, EVERYTHING is pink and ribboned.  I also began to feel increasing skepticism about it.  Envy aside and other things in the products being equal, I would pick a product that donates money to breast cancer or another cause over one that simply goes to corporate coffers (I also like small companies, but that's another issue).  But the pinkification of products makes me very skeptical about how many are truly genuine in their motives. 

I've read a few articles lately that confirmed my suspicions.  Pink has become a trend and a marketing ploy, not always a genuine cause.  I think there are some attempts at charity-development that are well-intentioned but poorly executed and those frustrate me.  But the companies that knowingly play on sympathies...I don't even have the words.  I may have ribbon envy, but the outright deception is horrid. 

I know there is SO much that needs the attention of marketing regulators, but I hope this is high on their lists and I hope there's a crackdown coming.  I believe that consumers need to be informed, both in terms of general purchasing and charitable giving but I think they need a little more help here.  Charity Navigator does some of this but I don't think they cover the marketing stuff, focusing more on donor-style giving (and are limited by their info resources).

I'd love a dedicated ribbon from a group that vets ribbons (pink and otherwise).  I'd totally buy those products.

questions without answers...politics and weight

I confess...I've re-started this post several times.  I am having trouble working through my thoughts and I want to feel like I'm expressing myself well.  I do have "PC police" voices in my head but it is actually much more about truly wanting to respect people.  Part of why it is swirling in my head is all the emotions around the issues and wanting to be respectful of those.

Getting on topic, I've been thinking a lot about weight issues again as people raise them in the context of Chris Christie as a potential presidential nominee.  I don't feel like I can get to many conclusions here, but I do have a few issues swirling in my head:

• Is his size at all relevant to the candidacy? 
• While it is not always fair to correlate weight and health, I do think health is a relevant issue when picking our highest elected official.  We want someone to be able to handle the physical toil of a 24/7 job.  We don't want a leader unable to complete his/her term or hampered by illness.  That part feels easy to me..except that weight is NOT always a sign of poor health (I'd worry about health issues in a fit pres too). 
• But, does it matter that the president is the face of our nation?  I remember looking at the portraits lining high school classrooms and thinking presidents have gotten MUCH better looking over the course of history as media has invaded (Van Buren wouldn't make the cut now).  And I think it sort of does matter that you present a good image.  I do think Christie is still very polished and it is very much possible to look good and be larger.  But it still lingers for me....maybe because our national image is definitely becoming linked with weight.
• And does the president need to be a role model?  I'm lost on this one.  The "grow up to be president" idea is a big one and part of me does think that means being a good role model.  But, then again, I think the person and the professional are separate roles.  I didn't care too much if Clinton was a bad husband...I wouldn't want him as a spouse but was happy to vote for him as a leader.  Is weight the same thing?
• Is it fair late-night fodder?
• I am totally inconsistent here.  I don't like mocking people for their weight.  But Letterman's Top Ten list totally made me laugh. 
• Does quality matter?  Is it because Letterman did it well that I liked his jokes more than a "You're so fat..." joke? 
• Part of me thinks that you subject yourself to more as a public figure, but I also hate when celebs are mocked for their weight gain.  Again, I'm not consistent here...and it rives me nuts.
• It seems MUCH more acceptable to laugh at a fat man than a fat woman.  Is it because women are more likely to have emotional issues with food?  Or is it cultural?  Women bond by saying "You look so cute!" while men often bond more over "Dude, when's the baby due?" 
• Leading to...What if Chris was Christine?
• More a comment than anything, but I just can't see a woman of Christie's size being considered for the big gig.

Like I said, not the most productive post in terms of actual answers.  And I haven't made much progress despite playing it through my head for a few days.  But I do think it is all worth the thought...

(little) girl talk

I confess....I feel kind of like the people who claim to have known a band before they went big, but I actually got into this topic well before it blew up the internet world a couple months back.  I simply noticed that I often greeted little girls by telling them they were cute and it began to bug me.  An internet post (HuffPo) on talking to little girls brought the issue to the forefront for a while, but I was SO there first.

I can't imagine meeting a woman in the grocery store line and cooing about her being cute.  I might compliment funky earrings that I like but would never have the guts to run, but "Aren't you adorable/cute/pretty?" isn't going to be uttered.  That said, I very well might call a little boy "handsome" or "cute" (or praise his eyelashes...what it is up with little boys having the world longest lashes???). 

There's an ad lately aimed at little girls for a DVD about Barbie going to charm school and learning "there's a princess in every girl"...well, if she learns to curtsy.  This drives me NUTS.  I am not totally oppose to all things Barbie, but can't there be a future research scientist in every girl...if she works hard in school and applies herself?!?  Or even a future star soccer player?  I get mad.  But then I go back to wondering if I'm adding to that culture. 

I've debated how to remedy this. It really isn't easy to give a little girl more concrete praise on being smart or kind or strong since these are pretty fleeting moments. I could, of course, say nothing at all, but I seem to be innately unable to do that.  I at least need to wave or wink.  I've praised a cute top but I'm not sure that's any better. I have actively tried to find roundabout alternates...."Wow, you must be a pretty special girl for Mommy/whomever to be buying you such a great toy!"...."'You are getting lots of yummy veggies!"...but that's not always an option.   I've even gone for "Wow, you must have been really good and sat still while you got such pretty braids"....though I'm less certain that's an improvement.

And I do think it is good for little girls to feel pretty.  ALL of them.  My concern is making that the number one trait for which they are recognized.  Then again, like it or not, it IS pretty realistic.  We ARE defined by our outward appearance.  Especially by strangers.  I'm treated differently than I was 30lbs heavier. 

I don't see myself totally ignoring the cute tyke (of either gender) sitting in the cart behind me at the store.  I can commit to trying to avoid the appearance fallback.  But, despite good intentions and doubts about messaging, I doubt I'll ever totally be able to "quit" the cute remarks....at least cold turkey.  I have committed to at least trying...and to complimenting other traits when I can see them.  But now I'm thinking of traits to remark on...is complimenting a girl for being patient and quiet any better if it plays into gender roles?  My head is going to hurt if I keep going down that route. 

patriotism

I confess....I'm really torn between writing a dual book review and a 9/11 post.  I'm going with the latter but including a mention of why the former also feels like patriotism (and maybe I'll do it later).

I remember seeing my friend Mike in the hallway on 9/11/01.  He looked a bit dazed and told me about the first plane.  Honestly, I thought it was some sort of massive pilot or mechanical error.  The law school lacked any TVs (this was remedied in my time on the equivalent of student council) and the computer lab was jammed but, as folks know, everything was jammed.  I went to my first class and the prof (also the Dean) had been prepping so didn't know the news and held class despite a few students protesting.  When my next class started, the rumors were flowing....no real news access and proximity to D.C. added to that.  My prof came in and very solemnly (and impressively) cancelled class saying there were more important things to think about. 

I went home and watched the coverage with my roommates.  Even when it was clear it was an attack, I'm pretty sure I didn't comprehend it.  We watched for hours, like everyone else I suppose.  We called our folks to check in.  Mom will always be a New Yorker.  Dr. Dad (who is from there too) volunteered to go help...they didn't need him since he wasn't a first aid specialist and simply put not enough survivors needing his neuro expertise. 

Here's where I might lose you.  After hours of coverage, I went to my room and put on my gym clothes.  I just couldn't watch anymore.  I felt more relief than I care to admit when I opened my door and saw a roommate had done the same thing.  And I went to the gym.  I thought this through and came to a conclusion that I still hold....we lose if we don't keep living.  It is patriotic to go to the gym (or write a book review).  "They" win if we stop living our lives.  That does NOT mean we can't mourn or can't remember.  I actually finally found my tears while on the treadmill....it wasn't a matter of ignoring the event at all.  It was a matter of living and not letting anyone take that from me.

I've always refused to let fear run my life.  I am careful if I'm out alone at night.  I carry a key poking from my fist and ask for an escort if it feels right.  But, as I told my Mom when she'd fret about me walking at night in college, I will to be aware and I will certainly avoid undue dangers, but I'm going to live.  I got on a plane late October 2011.  Aside from the fact that I knew security was as high as it could be, I also knew it was an important message.  Yes, even one girl getting on a plane for the West Coast, since all the "one"s add up to a "many".

Always remember.  Never forget.  But don't let evil win by giving in to fear.  Living is patriotic.

excuses vs. explanations...giving context

I confess...I just wrote out a post to be used be a fellow blogger and endo warrior while she's recovering from an endo-related surgery.  In it, I ramble about relationships and chronic pain.  I'm not going to write the same ramble here (I will link to it when it is posted or soon thereafter if our blog-free days overlap), but I do want to take an element from it.

Years ago, I hit on a magic phrase (or magic sentiment...uncharacteristically, I'm not tied to exact words).  It may have been when I was writing a note to some of the legal support staff at my firm when I knew the upcoming week would be a hard one for me.  At the time, I did take one week off the BCP every four months (I no longer do) and I knew that week would be very painful.  I also knew I'd likely become a bit snippy and that grumpiness trickles down.  So I warned some folks ahead of time and apologizes in advance.  The concept I hit upon that I've loved since: It's not an excuse, it's an explanation.

I love this concept.  I don't get a free pass when I feel crappy.  I'm still responsible for my words and actions.  But there is some context and I do think that has relevance.  On the personal side, I might blow a little thing out of proportion when the pain has worn me down.  I won't necessarily disavow the sentiment (still don't like that the glass I was using disappeared), but I will admit I took it too far.  The pain doesn't excuse this.  But it does explain why it happened.

I was once on a Miss Manners style chat to ask a question about public transit.  Another guest was asking about what to say when her son, who had underlying issues, acted inappropriately.  She wanted to be able to acknowledge it was wrong (and would let the son know too), but also let the other people know the background.  Miss Manners didn't have a great response and asked if anyone else had thoughts.  I shared my context and said I thought the same concept of explanations instead of excuses.  The mother really liked it, as did Miss Manners who said she might have to steal it for her own arsenal. 

It really is a versatile concept.  It fits my pain days when I'm not at my best.  It fits conditions that can lead to awkward social moments.  It can also fit coming home after a bad day at work and snapping at a partner or child.  It doesn't ask for a free pass.  It also, where appropriate, doesn't suggest there's nothing relevant underlying the outburst.  It can be tough to remember in the moment sometimes (almost by definition you aren't thinking fully when you need it), but it's a great addition to the arsenal. 

post 200+1...more fit tips

I confess...almost every time I post, I find myself wanting to come back and add more.  This time, I'm indulging myself and adding a few more tips for the exer-phobic.  Of course, these came to me during my workout...often the case but even more so here (and another pro to exercising...it is a great time for thoughts to pop in your head).

(For ease, here's Part One)

• If you use a plate-loaded machine or dumbbells, etiquette demands you put back the weights.  That said, you'll inevitable encounter a machine that you want to use where someone has left their weights on the machine.  Inevitably, the folks who leave them have left behind 100lb plates or other large-ish ones, never a 5 pounder.  Do feel okay asking for help moving them...I do it.  Most people (okay, I mostly ask men b/c they are more likely to be able to help) are happy to help.  I will admit I scope out the right person to ask to be sure: 1) they can lift them w/o getting hurt (or would be honest instead of macho) and 2) they will get that I genuinely need help and am not hitting on them.
• If you are new, you might worry about stepping into a gym.  Here's the truth -- I do notice new folks, especially folks clearly new to the fitness front.  But I am NOT thinking anything bad.  In fact, I'm often wondering if there's a polite way to say "Go you!" and express my admiration.  I also know that it is harder to start at a higher weight...I admire those folks even more.  So I do notice you, but you should be PROUD to be there.
• When I do weights, I'll switch between exercises rather than rest between sets.  For example, I'll do a set of biceps, then a set of shoulder presses, and then back to bis.  The experts will say this technique is good because it gets your pulse up and adds a cardio element.  Honestly, I like it because it gets me done faster!
• There's no need to be fashionable, unless the cute clothes provide you with motivation.  I do, however, find it helps to where clothes made for fitness rather than an old tee.  The tech clothes will help wick away sweat and are less likely to get soaked and heavy.  I sweat a LOT.  Target has great deals...especially if you can get away with a Girls L or XL (not much shape to them, but I don't care at the gym).
• If you run, get fitted for shoes at a real running store.  Sports Authority isn't going to do this.  Look for something specifically aimed at runners where the staff will examine your gait and help you find the best shoes to keep you injury-free.
• I was initially scare by the machines that say "Hammer Strength".  Don't be!  They are GREAT, especially for newbies.  All it really means is the left and right each lift their own weight.  This means your strong side can't cheat and help the weaker side. These are often "plate-loaded" machines (you put the round weight plates on them)...those look scary but really are the same as the other machines, just with more options in weight load. 
• In the last post, I mentioned that you shouldn't fear bulking up (if you are a woman).  Along with this goes the fact that you should lift weights that are heavy enough that you are tired after 10-12 reps and don't feel able to do much more.  This does mean you need different weights for different exercises...your biceps are likely stronger than your triceps so you need different weights for each.  Push yourself....stay safe, but a workout is WORK.  I often want to go over to a healthy young woman using 5lb weights for a bicep curl and hand her 10s...I bet she could do it. And get better results.
• I'm a treadmill addict.  I know running outside has bio-mechanical benefits and has even been shown to be mood boosting.  But, again, it's about what works for you.  Frankly, I need the TV on to help me keep going...and the fact that I'd fall off the belt if I didn't keep moving.  I also like the feedback.  Calorie counts are HORRID on machines, though better on treadmills than others, but the distance and speed are helpful markers.
• light

wherein I talk about building a healthy body (and celebrate post 200!)

I confess...I could write a book review but decided to delay it (and couple two reviews together) because I want a more exciting TWO HUNDREDTH post!  Thanks to anyone who reads this.  I like writing and I do it in part for myself, but I like being heard and I do think I have things of value to share (and want more people to be "followers" even though I know you see it on FB).  In that vein, I'm going to use this post to share thoughts on how to get and keep a fit body.

I'm often asked about what I do to stay in shape...especially, by folks who knew me when I was 35lbs larger.  This difference is actually bigger than the scale shows since I've added a ton of muscle.  In truth, this is going to be a bit of a "do as I say, not as I do" piece (though I'll make acknowledgment of that at points)...I have some not-so-great habits that I don't think others should share b/c they come from an unhealthy place in my head.  That said, I do have a lot of knowledge so here's some of it, aimed at someone looking to get started in the fitness game:

This will be long....but it will have bullets to help :P

GENERAL WORKOUT TIPS

• There's lots out there on what is the "best" activity, both for weight loss and just for heart health.  The info can be helpful but I think it is better to start by thinking about what you can stick to.  If running is awful, try a kickboxing class.  If you are better working out alone, maybe an elliptical would work.  You need something you will keep doing.  I don't think you need to love it...that's ideal but not always realistic...but you need to be willing to stick to it.
• In that vein -- It is GREAT if you love your fitness routine.  But plenty of folks don't.  I love the results and I love the feeling when my workout is finished (esp. when it was early AM and I had done a great w/o before the rest of the world woke up!).  That's enough to keep me motivated.
• Likewise, don't worry about what time of day experts says is best.  Schedule your workouts when you are best able to maintain the habit.  For me, this has varied over time...in Atlanta, I hit the gym on the way home; in Boston, it was early AM; now, I kick off my workouts between noon and one.
• Make it a habit.  Making a habit is hard, but it is SO worth it.  It becomes routine, like a cup of morning coffee (okay, maybe not THAT easy).  Experts say 21 days makes a habit...I'd go more like a month.  But once you've got it as part of your routine, it is MUCH easier to keep it going.  In Boston, I'd often remind myself how hard the AM habit was to start and that would motivate me when the alarm felt way too early.  It is easier to stay on the bandwagon than it is to get back on if you fall.
• That said, do know that sometimes rest IS best.  It can be tough to judge, but if you truly need the extra sleep or are truly over-sore, then REST (though sometimes I find a light w/o a better fix for soreness than total rest).  Just be truly honest about whether it is a matter of needing the rest or just being a bit lazy.  One tip I read a lot that I do think has merit (but works better for PM w/o...not so much for first-thing folks) is to start a w/o with the promise that you can quit after 15min if you still aren't feeling it.  Often, you'll keep going but sometimes it'll confirm the need to rest.
• Make it EASY...well, as easy as possible.  When I went after work, I packed my gym stuff the night before and put it in the car.  When I got in the car, I put it right next to me to help resist the urge to skip (I also put my purse in the trunk to make it harder to divert to comfort food).  When I went before 5AM, I put my clothes out the night before...I even tucked the socks in the shoes (some are right/left specific but that took too much attention in the AM)....I could be in the building gym in about 5min which saved time.  I honestly wasn't truly awake until halfway through the treadmill date.
• Like many women, my genes have me carrying some not-muscles on my middle...I doubt I could see a six-pack without getting to an unhealthy low weight.   My thighs were still a bit jiggly even at my very lowest weight (when losing more would have been unhealty).  It is sometimes important to recognize that our bodies are programmed to gain and lose in certain ways. Work for YOUR best healthy self...not a magazine cover.

CARDIO

• I will admit I do too much cardio.  I won't tell you how much b/c I know hearing it from other people would hit a competitive bone in me.  My overdoing it is partly tied to the limitations of my injured body and also because unemployment makes for long days.  I do, however, always take a full day off each week and that is essential...both for sanity and for health.  I think most people looking for weight loss should aim around 4-5 cardio sessions a week of 30-45 min. 
• Okay...this is tough to put in the right words.  A woman I knew in an online fitness forum once remarked about how slow she felt compared to other runners there.  I spent some time in phrasing it right when I noted that she was a good bit bigger than the women she compared herself to and that they'd have slowed down too if they carried a 75lb backpack.  The point here is that cardio should be a workout for you and at a pace right for you.  Heavier people work harder in many exercises (i.e. walking, running, aerobics classes).  Don't go too hard or push yourself to meet someone else's goals  Just work to steadily improve YOUR times. 
• Intervals can be great.  The exercise scientists will say it is fabulous for your metabolism and it seems to be backed up.  But it also helps prevent boredom and it can help you improve over time.  I had never run (see this post for my history) and started by fiddling with the treadmill on a Manual setting and trying to run a bit longer each week.  I worked on increasing time first, it can be a bit too much to try and add time and speed at the same time.

WEIGHTS

• DO THEM!  I think the message has gotten around but it is worth repeating that the vast majority of women are not going to get crazy bulky.  Female bodybuilders work crazy hard to get that way.  A standard routine, even a tough one, won't make that happen.  We're not wired that way.  But strength training will give you such a great, fit appearance (I'd say "toned" but I get skittish with that word...building muscle and getting toned are the same but I feel like people treat them differently.  A pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat BUT it takes up a lot less space so LOOKS very different.  It is also metabolically active which means it burns calories even at rest.  More muscle = more cookies without the guilt or gain.
• If you can afford it, time with a good trainer is totally worth it.  I'm generally a solo gym gal, but I did learn the ropes first.  You don't need a long contract, a few sessions with someone who can show you the ropes is plenty and so much more informative than any article or blog.  Ideally, the training session can be wherever you will be working out regularly so it fits the equipment (or lack thereof...you can develop strength with at home work too using body weight and maybe a few dumbbells to supplement).  Ask for recommendations and check they have a certification (other websites have better info on that).  Pick a personality that fits you....I couldn't deal with a Jillian Anderson yelling at me and I prefer a trainer who looks "real" and has an attainable figure, not a model type (both b/c I like some muscle and I just want a source of inspiration, not perfection that feels impossible in a normal life).
• I've never been a fan of whole body workouts, but plenty of people like them and some particularly advocate them for beginners.  I prefer a "split" which just means focusing on different body parts on different days.  My current one isn't the most rational but I do two days a week with upper body on one and lower body and back on the other.  The following split is where I started though and more rational given that most exercises overlap a bit (i.e. back and biceps are often hit together...so my split isn't good for consecutive days:
• Day 1 - shoulders/chest/triceps
• Day 2 - back/biceps
• Day 3 - legs
• I currently do two 30min strength sessions.  That's plenty to maintain.  When I did the three day split, it was three 20min sessions.  More is would be better, but that is enough to get results.
• Do notice and applaud your progress.  Look at those new muscles in the mirror during the workout!  For me, my biceps showed a bit of definition first but it's the triceps that make me smile since they took longer to "pop".  Looking at them helps with motivation.
• I do weights before strength.  People go back and forth on what is "best" but I ignore that.  I'd leave the gym without doing weights.  I wouldn't leave without cardio.  Therefore, I do weights first simply to make sure I do them.
• I do core work after both strength sessions.  My routine focuses on "deep core" because it is more aimed at helping my injury than at bikini wear. 

Food

• I honestly can't give as much advice here because I am pretty messed up myself.  That's a tip in itself....DO work on feeding yourself right, but DON'T let it carry you away.  I think counting calories can be really helpful, but don't let it take over your life. 
• If you do count, eat ENOUGH.  Magazines always warn women to not dip under 1200cal/day.  To many women, that then becomes a goal.  Perfection.  But, for most women, that's WAY too little.  Your body will NOT function well with too little fuel, just like your car wouldn't run on empty.  You will lose weight better on a bit more because your body isn't freaking out...our bodies are programmed to hold on to every morsel if we eat too little...it thinks you are starving and protects.  If you eat more (but still less than you burn), it will behave better. 
• And that's the key...in versus out.  I think most women need at least 1500 calories a day to lose weight in a healthy manner, 1800 to maintain (more if you workout harder).  Of course, it varies by individual, including by age, activity level, and size.  And 210 calories of fruit may be the same number as 210 in a candy bar but nutrients are important too.  And healthy calories are almost always more filling so you are satisified longer after a salad than a cookie.
• If programs help you, Weight Watchers is great.  I think it is more of a lifestyle shift than a short-term fix and short-term fixes don't last.  I think packaged food plans can help if you had a specific gain (i.e. extra weight due to stress) and they just get back to your norm.  You DO need to make the right choices on WW though....I tried for a bit and used my points poorly which meant I got WAY too few calories. 
• Healthy weight loss is SLOW.  It might go faster at first, especially if you have a lot to lose, but ultimately one pound a week can be the best goal.  Yes, it is slow...but it will LAST because you are building a better lifestyle rather than using a temporary fix and then going back to old habits and regaining the loss.
• I think veggies are magic.  They are filling and nutrient dense but low in calories.  Fruit is great too, but you do need to keep more of an eye on the calories.
• I'm HORRIBLE about this, but to avoid judgmental language.  It isn't productive to talk about "good" and "bad"...try "nutritious" and "splurge".  Further, I hate that the word "diet" is unfairly tie to the short-term fixes.  I prefer to use "diet" to mean your overall eating style.
• Have fun and allow yourself some indulgences. Michelle Obama got slammed for going out for a burger, fries, and a shake, but I admire her for it. A healthy lifestyle has room for some splurges.

I'm not a doctor.  I'm not a nutritionist.  I'm not a certified trainer.  But I have spent a lot of time both reading and learning by doing.  I hope this is helpul to others looking to start or keep on their journey.

(I gave in and made a Part Two with some added tips).

true spirit, in a little package

I confess...I am conflict averse enough to overthink every post, especially with quite a range of views among my audience.  But, anyway...

After a party on the 3rd, I spent much of the 4th itself at Fourth Fest, a party thrown in State College with food and and a fair atmosphere and one of the country's largest fireworks shows.  I went with MM and helped out at the Operation Thank You booth manned by the Air National Guard (and some volunteers and partners) where they took donations for care packages and had people write notes to troops overseas. 

Most people looked up a bit as they tried to find what they wanted to say.  I get that.  I'm still a pacifist and I'm still not fond of our current wars.  But I have always supported our troops, recognizing that we do need people willing to sacrifice and take on the battles (even if I disagree with some of them).  We do need a defense system (even if I'm not sure we need the current cost level) and that will always mean needing people willing to risk their lives for the cause.  The littlest kids drew "pictures" and I suggested their adult companion help them write their name and age.  Slightly older ones asked for help from their parents or the booth folks. 

But one little girl stole the day.  She walked up alone and asked for a card.  She didn't have anyone telling her what to write.  I don't recall the second line right now, but it started "Dear soljer, Thank you for being brave."  She drew a picture too (and some adults paused on the spelling, she was certainly young enough for the effort to count).  Yeah, the pacifist nearly cried and a few of the folks in uniform got teary too.  There was just something so genuine and real.  It wasn't a totally different message but it was her own voice and her words and so sweet.  I actually saw Mom lurking and waved her up to share it and commend her daughter. 

I didn't read most cards.  This girl had just walked and written with an air that drew me.  Unlike the guy who I'd have been a bit scared to meet in a dark parking lot (yes, judgment....but honest).  He wrote for a while and fiercely.  I waited till he was gone and fished it out (they DO later screen them...you can disagree with the politics but no need to send a mean message to someone on the ground).  The language made me lament our schools a bit but his got shared for this comment: "If you are male, I hope you come home safe to your family.  Same if you are female."

The lone female service member looked ready to hunt him down.  Earlier in the day, MM and I had talked about those sentences that get away from you....the ones you start saying and get away from you and you backtrack to cover.  The added "same" felt like a backtrack, but WHERE was he planning to go????  I wondered if he was thinking about a wife and kids at home and then got the PC-bug and put "family" and went from there.  But I'm not quite satisfied with that story.

I normally am not a fireworks girl but we stayed and had VIP seats for free.  The Fest is self-funded so they do charge admission but we got free tickets (Aside: We also got food vouchers but a guy was cooking and invited us all over...when we didn't show, he started bringing LOADED plates...made me smile.  I often lament a lot about the state of our general public but enjoyed seeing some generosity of pocket and spirit).  I was pretty darn impressed.  Clearly, they've stepped up fireworks since I was a youngin' and MM told me it is something like the 3rd largest 4th show in the nation.  I also HIGHLY recommend watching fireworks next to two eight year-old boys.  The dancing was priceless and my sideshow totally competed with the light show.  Line of the show "WOW.  I'm gonna stop saying 'Wow' now...[thirty second pause]..WOW."

Hurting today.  I avoided bending and twisting but was still moving about a lot for the past two days and the ground is tough to sit on (even tougher just to GET to the ground).  I do want to push myself to get my strength sessions in during the next month to fend off lost muscle after, but lifting today isn't going to happen.

feminism, rambler-style

I confess...I'm not thrilled about the spark that led me to this topic, but I think it's worthwhile anyway.  Among the continued bout of name-calling I wrote about here, a comment was made questioning whether I am a worthy feminist because MM came to my defense during the initial battle round.  I hadn't said much publicly myself because I didn't feel the forum was appropriate.  I contacted one woman privately to apologize for inadvertent hurt but didn't care to engage in the mud-slinging given the tone.  MM saw I was upset and jumped into the fray, although he later deleted a comment written in anger.  This defense was construed as him "protecting his woman" in a way that made him evil and me a poor excuse for a feminist.

So, that's what got my mind toying with the concept of feminism.  I do consider myself a feminist.  In my mind, that isn't about suggesting women are an under-class or that, conversely, they are superior to men and worthy of special status.  For me, it is just about advocating for equality and for options.  I think being a stay-at-home mom is just as much a feminist move as being a CEO, as long as it is a true choice.  I believe the battle fought by prior generations of women was about opening options and I do get upset when women in-fight about the validity of various choices.  I think we're often are own worst enemies these days whether in office politics, the assorted mommy wars, or the importance of appearances

I also don't think being a feminist means I can't appreciate old-fashioned "gentlemanly" behaviors.  I think it is sweet that MM opens doors for me.  He does it to be nice.  He doesn't think I'm incapable of opening them myself and he'll "let" me get the door if I'm there first or his hands or full.  I remember standing in a doorway once with a guy who wouldn't walk through while I held it (I'd gotten there first)....THAT rankled my feminist side, just plain courtesy does not.  He CAN handle the heavier grocery bags more easily than I can, that's just a fact.  He knows I could manage them myself but he's happy to lend a hand.  And he's happy to get a hand in return.

Likewise, I don't think having him come to my defense is anti-feminist.  In truth, I'd expect him to defend me.  And I would absolutely defend him.  I do think we'd go about it in different ways based on our personalities (which also reflected in my lack of immediate public reply in the prior events), but a relationship is about having each others backs.  I'd defend a female friend too.  It isn't a gender issue.  It's simple respect and support.

I am a feminist.  I don't feel the need to distance myself from that term, like some people do, because I don't think it needs to be an angry term.  If you want to burn your bra, go ahead.  I'd rather not (umm...I get cold easily...so, yeah).  I very rarely blame slights on my gender, though I also don't deny that bias sometimes still linger.  I am woman, hear me roar.  Or hear me ramble, cause that's more my style and feminism gives me that choice.

ramblin' woman

I confess...lots of rambly thoughts today, some of which feel a little un-PC but I'm gonna say 'em anyway. 

• I don't care if politicians cheat on their spouses.  It is a HUGE no-go for me in a partner, but not something I care to be involved with in an elected official.  But I do take issue when they lie about it, then it moves from a lie to his family and becomes a lie to his constituents.  I don't know that I'd call for a resignation, UNLESS government money was used which is another issue, but it would impact my future vote (not control it, I did vote for Bill Clinton and would do so again).
• Okay, my non-PC post.  I just don't care if gay people are born that way or if it is a choice.  It just doesn't matter at all to me.  I accept them and want them to have equal rights/opportunities either way.  I think the state should let you marry regardless of your partner's gender, though I wouldn't force a church to officiate.  I do see that the debate may matter to some people who are on the fence about acceptance, so I guess that gives a reason to talk about it.  But, personally, I just don't care (but I feel like that may anger people and we know how I feel about that).
• Part two of my un-PC thoughts (well, this is more un-liberal) -- I do "believe" in transgendered people and think we should support them in their journeys for peace, including using the preferred pronouns and supporting their choice to pursue surgery.  But I just can't condone using government money to pay for the sex change surgery for a prisoner.  It seems really unfair that a criminal would get a paid-for surgery while "good" people don't.  And I understand that the surgery can be emotionally/mentally important, but it isn't the same as the medical necessity involved in treatment of physical disease.
• I like to make earth-friendly choices (though don't always go out of my way for them).  I like to make money-friendly choices (with an exception for food & wine, of course).  But it is really the NOISE that makes me hesitate to turn on the AC (I did put it on today...two days over 90 are not fun).  I have a lot of trouble with background noises.  It feels like I hear TOO much since I can't distinguish the TV or a voice unless I really turn them up.  Former speech pathologist Mom says it is called figure-ground disorder.  You can try to train your brain to help it, but I'm lazy.
• The guestroom does not have an AC (yet...my Mom and Step-dad are giving us one later this month).  I went through THREE pairs of shorts doing my workout.  I am a sweaty gal, not usually the worst smelling but even with a well-cooled room I can sometimes squeeze out my shorts after cardio.  Guess the ability to change is an upside to the home gym (and the fact that I was planning a load of sheets anyway so it wouldn't throw off laundry planning to use more), but I will enjoy the "real gym" today since I need to do weights anyway.  We are getting Big Yellow tomorrow (it will be in the basement so a bit cooler there...tread is in guest room) and I'll see if I still want the Big Gym expense.  It is kinda good to have a reason to go out when you are unemployed, but it is also an added cost.
• Another side effect of unemployment as a woman -- I go through WAY more TP since I'm always home.
• I'm still scared about the back stuff and about controlling pain when I'm already maxing out on meds.  I try to take less when I can, but the knife in my back is pretty unrelenting. 
• Tater tots are underused as a side item.  More places, esp. pub type joints, should serve them. 
• I use way too much mentally energy disliking my tummy pooch.  I will, however, say that I'm feeling really good about my upper body.  I've added some muscle tone and it is really at a place where I'm happy to just maintain.  The only thing I sometimes dwell on wanting to change about the tummy is one (umm, well, two) that is outside of my control without a doc and some silicone.  And I am NOT doing that....they are proportional and all, just noticeably absent in a swim suit or in clothes that leave room for non-existent assets (same issue with lack of butt).
• I'm waiting to write one book review for Harper until I finish another one.  I actually enjoyed the finished one a lot and am more "meh" on the one in progress, but my parental-types see the blog so I blush at the idea of reviewing Erica Jong's collection of essays by women about sex.
• Likewise, I need one more bullet point after that one.  Yes, I'm odd.

confessions..

I confess...this time I actually will.  Confess, that is.  The following are things I hesitate to admit but will whisper quietly to my blog-reading public:

• I have gotten MUCH better in terms of body confidence.  I can see that I am small and fit.  But I still step on the scale at least once a day.  Pee, put in the contacts, strip, and weigh (yes, pre-teeth brushing b/c I might absorb water...which is beyond silly).  And it absolutely impacts my mood that day.  I hate being that type of girl...but I am.
• MM is in good shape.  X was very strong and worked out but was heavy side.  Both always say/said positive things to me about my body.  But they mean more to me coming from MM because he's got an admirable physique.
• I want to be encouraging to all gym goers and I know that going in pairs helps a lot of people.  But I still want to throw things at the two chatty twenty year-old girls who have the same cardio schedule as me.  This is more of a confession because I am totally inconsistent (I want a different word there and it is driving me nuts).  There are some guys who chat on the weight room I kind of enjoy listening to them.  It is like a peek into man-land hearing how they relate (and gripe about their gals).
• The gym I use shares a building with a tanning place (and I think they may share owners).  I get a "holier than thou" feeling when I pass people going into the tan place instead of the gym.  They have signs criticizing politicians for supporting the Tan Tax.  These make me want to write letters in support of higher tan taxing.
• I seem to fall out of love quickly with the daytime TV that I use as background noise for job searching and as distraction at the gym.  But I've stayed more in love with The Talk.  I expected to like Sara Gilbert, and I do, but it is totally Sharon Osbourne who keeps me hooked.
• I cheated a bit on my no-alcohol March.  I blame the back and frustrations therewith.  I had several drinks the day my doctor cancelled on me for a surgery and a glass of wine the day of the appointment because the poking made the pain worse (and I hadn't filled the pain script yet).
• I am angry that I lost eight years of my life to the relationship with X.  It took meeting MM for me to understand how wrong the relationship had been.  X ended it but I should have.  Long ago.  I don't blame him, I think bad relationships are often more about the pair not working rather than one guilty party.  But I wish I knew then what I know now.  I want to write a whole post on this but I am worried I can't do that without getting meaner than I should and without laying blame (which I truly don't want to do).
• Despite that, I think I threw a great party (and I really take credit for putting it together).  And I looked damn good in that white dress. 
• I spent way too much time the other day on People of Walmart.  And I much of that time included feeling superior to folks.  I sometimes get that feeling among the general public as well, especially when I'm not limited to the gym or professional circles (which tends to attract a small range of folks).  It always leaves me with a feeling of guilt, but it recurs regularly.
• I am generally enjoying Central PA, but I totally laugh at the caliber of the local TV news folk.
• I chew too much gum.  And this keeps Rite-Aid happy because I take anti-gas stuff to address the resulting puffy tummy.  It is totally vanity medicating since the only side effect is the puffy lower abdomen.