Rambler Raves & Rambler Rants

Since I have opinions about stuff other than books (and since I love my bullet-points!)…

Rambler Raves

·         Argan Magic Blow Straight

Love this stuff.  It really does get my thick somewhere-between-wavy-and-curly hair straight and nearly frizz-free.  It is one of the very few things that can also leave it in decent shape the following day.  I’ve rarely felt my hair looked under control when I woke up without having to take a full shower or use the flat iron, but this gives me a decent-enough result.  (picture from Amazon)

·         Arganicare Hair Mask

 

So, I’ll admit that the first time I bought both this and the prior item (TJ Maxx finds), I thought they were part of the same line.  They aren’t, but they still pair up quite well.  I use this once or twice a week and it helps keep my hair the softest it has been.

·         Sasyr

My go-to wine, now available at my local store since our little town got upgraded to a nicer wine shop (still PA so still the odd state-run system).  Deep and bold enough to meet my tastes, but still easy to drink with broad enough appeal that I’d bring it to a gathering and recommend it to anyone who likes reds.  Though the language on the above link is more than a little odd, even given the odd descriptive terms used in the wine world…

·         Love It or List It

Yes, I’m sure it is just as staged as all the other HGTV home shows (i.e. House Hunters).  After all, it is mighty interesting that there are always a couple of problems lurking in the renovation and the last-seen home is always the most likely contender for purchase, perfect but usually over-budget and out-of-the-desire-community (apparently, today’s obsession is dash connected phrases…).  Still, I’m addicted. 

• Rumpelstiltskin & Patches

They deserve their own post and will get it.  They are Albino African Clawed Frogs.  We're totally in love with these guys, even if they only love us because we feed them (though we did train them to eat from our hands)!

Rambler Rants

·         Conair

My brush broke in my hair last week.  Particularly annoying since that brush was actually a replacement (that took several emails and two calls to obtain) for this brush…

 

Yes, as discussed before, my thick and somewhere-between-wavy-and-curly hair is a challenge.  However, there’s nothing incredibly unheard of about it and no reason for brushes to break mid-brush other than shoddy manufacturing.  My last brush (which had become a purse-brush but has been temporarily returned to regular status) was with me in college, if not high school, and is still in working order.

·         Halos

I’ll put aside the oddity of suddenly using brand names for fruits (Chiquita may have been associated with bananas, but I never saw the fruits called Chiquita).  I’m bothered by their ad campaigns since I don’t really think we should be suggesting it is improper for adults to eat any sort of fruits given the state of our nation’s health.  I might find the idea of the Dad in the race-car bed amusing if the subject was some sort of cookies or similar fare, but it rubs me the wrong way with a fruit.  Anyway, the “Cuties” brand has adorable little stickers on “their” clementines (ex. Ninja Cutie with a black costume, Cutie on Board with a car and a smiling figure).

·         Stress

Okay, an odd inclusion, I’ll admit.  Wedding is one month from today and I’m getting nervous about some little tasks (and getting all the RSVPs in….used the etiquette-approved timeframe which really does leave things tight). 

I have also been having a really rough time physically.  I see a new doc next week, an appointment that it took a few month to actually get.  I'm not afraid of docs so it isn't so much the visit itself, but I really need him to offer some hope and some sort of plan.  I can't keep us

Yays and Nays

Okay, I'll admit I mostly wanted to grumble about the first item, but clearly the world needs my opinions on more than one product...

• Natural Instincts Shine Happy - NAY!

I've never dyed my hair, but I've felt itchy for a change of late and have found myself glancing at the home color aisle.  I didn't want to pay for a salon color job and also wanted low commitment, so much preferred something that would wash out in a month (vs have a demarcation if I didn't keep it up).  I only really wanted to bring out a bit of the red I'd had as a kid....I call my hair dark brown but others insist it is black...but wasn't finding anything that felt like what I envisioned. 

Then I saw this product.  The process is like a dye...mix two parts, apply, wait ten minutes, rinse and condition.  It said it would add shine.  It did note it might lightened dark hair a bit.  Sounded good either way...  It did absolutely nothing!  I did not realize it contained peroxide, a complaint I saw in reviews when I was looking for a link (the reviewers said it lightened some folks hair).  My hair does feel a bit "rougher" than it had of late (it has usually felt rough but had improved of late w/ other products)...hoping I didn't do any damage, especially since it was otherwise pointless.  If anything, I have LESS shine.  Definite NAY!

• Jabebo Earrings - YAY!

I was walking the short distance from my eye doc to CVS and spotted some earrings in a shop window.  I wandered in and learned it was a fairly new store, although the business has existed for a bit.  They make earrings out of cereal boxes (they had a sign asking for boxes...I promised them many boxes in the future...a good use for my cereal addiction!), the left and right are different but on the same "theme" and all are miniature images.  I got the penguins (#185 on this page)...adorable, a reasonable $11.50, and supporting a local business and artisan (who supports some great causes himself).  For othe Centre County folks, the store also sells some other cute products.

• Coco Lites - NAY!

I'm a sucker for end cap displays at the grocery store.  Especially when the product looks like it a filling a low-calorie snack.  I actually like most variations of rice cakes, but these tasted like cardboard.  Stale cardboard.  The Military Man agrees.  I rarely just give up and throw a food out, and he's even more likely to try and salvage a product (he'll add spices, hot sauces, whatever it takes to make something edible), but these hit the trash. 

When I was looking for a link, I noticed the Amazon review page....only 6 reviews, but ALL five stars (well, until I added mine!).  I snooped and noticed a couple of the reviewers had only reviewed this item, making them a wee bit suspect.  The others seem to genuinely enjoy the product.  I'm honestly shocked.

• Pure DKNY Touch of Vanilla Perfume - YAY! (and an added YAY! for Kohl's perfume section)

I've never worn a perfume regularly.  I own one bottle that I bought at least five years ago, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it's Antonio Banderas' Spirit...I had gotten a tester someplace and decided I liked it enough to buy it despite the celeb name.  It always faded fast and I never wore it regularly, though I still like spritzing it on my brush occasionally, it seems to stay better in my hair.

Anyway, I've been wanting to find a scent of late that I could wear on a semi-regular basis.  I can't say what inspired the interest, but I've been trying one on each time I'm around a beauty counter.  I've always found a really high percentage interact poorly with my body chemistry, smelling nice in the bottle but almost foul on me.  A recent trip to Kohl's with MM left me with a bit of time and I appreciated that they have a ton of testers without a pressure-adding salesperson hovering around (though the tester strips were hidden in the corner of only one shelf despite there being a couple of aisles of perfume).  I got lucky, although I sniffed about ten on the testers, this was the only one I tried on my skin and it stayed a "yay."  Fresh, clean, and a hint of vanilla without making me crave cookies! 

And a tip -- If you do get scent at Kohl's, walk around and look for gift sets.  The gift set I found was the same price as the bottle in the perfume aisle for the same size bottle of perfume plus a small tube of lotion.

trying to understand what is impossible to understand

I confess....I'm hesitant to even attempt this post.  I'll never say it right, I'll never not want to say more after I hit "Publish," I'll never avoid contradictions.  And I know I'll be even more rambly than normal since I'm not sure where I'm going or how I'll get there.

I'm trying to wrap my mind around the events in Newtown, Connecticut.  I suppose that's the nature of such things...there's no way to understand events that defy understanding. 

I do think there's a media element at play in mass shootings.  So many of the perpetrators of such events in recent decades spoke or wrote about "going out in a blaze of glory."  They wanted to be known, to be remembered, even if it isn't in the way most of us would elect for ourselves.  And they got what they want.  And that's wrong.  We need to look at how we report these stories.  We need to look at who we remember.  We need to stop flashing the names and stories and manifestos of these criminals on the 24/7 news coverage.  We need to say the victims names ten times for every time we mention the perpetrators. 

And yet...I clicked on the link about the neighbors shaking their heads out how the quiet boy next door turned violent.  I (we??) want to know who committed these acts.  We could talk about this without using names.  We could focus on the "who" instead of the "Who," looking at the underlying factors rather than the actual identity.  Perhaps it's "should" rather than "could."  But even if most media outlets signed a pledge to avoid identifying these killers, there'd be someone who did.  And we'd look.  I say I want to know about the shooter to try to comprehend the cause....which, again, defied comprehension....but I can't say if I/we would truly be sated with less.

Still, I hope we can at least commit to looking more at the victims.  There's so much to learn from them.  The loss of children reminds us to value our youth, to remember the beauty in being six years old.  There's also the heroism of the adults.  The amazing part about that heroism is that it wasn't planned.  The teacher who hid her students before standing face-to-face with the gunman and telling him they were elsewhere didn't have time to plot or plan.  She just did.  As good often does, as heroes often do.  I believe, I need to believe, that most people's reflexes lean towards good.  The greatest evils seem to be planned and yet, while there are many who plan bravery like our military members and first responders, so much bravery is spontaneous.  I find that comforting. 

While I didn't read much about the gunman (again, I can't deny giving in to some curiosity), I've also heard murmuring of mental health issues.  I think the state of healthcare in general is shameful.  We have amazing capabilities, but only for the very few.  Access is even more shameful when it comes to mental health.  And even more people fall through the cracks.  We need early intervention.  We need to give teachers and schools more tools to help them identify issues early and take their concerns seriously (though certainly avoid turning to a position of blame) because they are on the front lines and they see children without the filter of a parent's love.  We need to offer treatments, up to and including residential programs, and ensure they aren't reserved for those with limitless economic resources.  I do believe most mental health issues are diseases and that we need to treat them rather than demonizing them.  Treating the disease can prevent it from leading to evil. 

I'm avoiding the other issue knocking around my head.  I think we need more gun control.  But that'd be a whole post in itself.  I'm also going to resist the urge to add more each time I have a thought....it'd never end if I did.  I've rambled a bit, I've thought a lot more.  It isn't a process with an end so I'll artificially hit "Publish" soon and resist adding more each time I realize the things I forgot to write.  Instead, I want to say the names of those lost on Friday (including the first victim, shot in her home, but not including the shooter himself). 

• Charlotte Bacon, 6;
• Daniel Barden, 7;
• Rachel Davino, 29;
• Olivia Engel, 6
• Josephine Gay, 7;
• Ana Marquez-Greene, 6;
• Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung, 47
• Dylan Hockley, 6;
• Madeleine Hsu, 6;
• Catherine Hubbard, 6;
• Chase Kowalski, 7;
• Nancy Lanza, 54
• Jesse Lewis, 6;
• James Mattioli, 6;
• Grace McDonnell, 7;
• Anne Marie Murphy, 52;
• Emilie Parker, 6;
• Jack Pinto, 6;
• Noah Pozner, 6;
• Caroline Previdi, 6;
• Jessica Rekos, 6;
• Avielle Richman, 6;
• Lauren Rousseau, 30;
• Mary Sherlach, 56;
• Victoria Soto, 27;
• Benjamin Wheeler, 6;
• Allison Wyatt, 6.

on politics and community

I confess....once upon a time, I did my share of political work including manning the phones and pamphlet-dropping from door-to-door.  I think politics can bring out a great energy in people who feel passionately about a candidate or an issue.  There's an element of the process that is the epitome of American citizenship.  There's spirit, belief, and hope. 

And, then, there's the rest.  The vitriol on both sides seems to get worse with each passing year.  The "other" candidate and the folks supporting him (intended as gender-neutral) are labelled with the same words that once composed schoolyard taunts.  It starts from the top, with ads that we all know are more closely associated with the campaigns than fundraising-centered separations would suggest.  And it passes down, including to people I greatly admire and whose passion I applaud but who seem to forget their manners.  I know studies show negative campaiging does get results, but I also know I'm not the only one who stops listening when it moves from constructive difference to name-calling and bullying

There is a lot that divides us.  Absolutely.  But I really do believe most people, and most candidates, do have good intentions.  We have different ways of getting there, but we all want our country and our society to succeed.  I'm not blind to the fact that some positions do involve, for lack of a more productive word, hate.  I absolutely see the anger this evokes in those labelled as "other"...and it is an anger I feel with them.  Still, somehow, I still do think the beliefs stem from someplace genuine, a place that truly believe theirs is the path to a better future.

I felt moments of hope in the wake of the tragic storm when even politicians cast politics aside for the greater good.  Chris Christie gained a lot of admiration in my book for refusing to focus on the election when his citizens were suffering.  Watching neighbors share electric outlets and marathoners take disappointment and turn to charity gave me hope.  I knew it would be short-lived given the timing of things, but I hope it comes back.  And I truly hope that one day we'll find a way to capture that camaraderie and sense of community without needing a tragedy to inspire it.

"health" information, or lack thereof

I confess....I want to rant a bit about what passes for information on the Internet.  At least I can promise the rant is NOT about politics!

I consider myself a pretty savvy consumer of health-related information.  I've absolutely used Internet sites to further understand health issues, especially given my multitude of medical issues and pharmacy frequent shopper status.  I understand that there are many reputable sites out there and many that simply are not trustworthy, often because they are advertising in disguise.

This can be especially true in the weight-related arena (though there are plenty of offline offenders too).  However, I feel like a site directly affiliated with a hospital should be information-positive.  So today's experience inspired a rant....

I know that there are many indicators of healthy weight and body composition.  I know any set of numbers is more about averages than individuals, hence the muscled athletes labeled obese by the BMI charts.  I've long heard that weight-hip ratio is a really important stat but really never taken out a tape measure simply because I have enough to obsess over.  However, a while back I needed the numbers to order a dress and decided to explore the results a bit.  My quick Google search on waist-hip ratio info gave many results that raised my radar and that I didn't bother clicking on.  I chose one with a direct tie to a hospital, though I frankly forget which one.

I could beat around the bush, but it's easier to just put the numbers out there.  My bust/waist/hip numbers were 34/28/34 (which, in the wonders of women's clothing, meant I needed a size 4, 8 and 0 all at once).  It didn't ask, but I'll be upfront for the sake of context here....I'm around 118-120lbs and 5'4".  According to the waist-hip calculator, I need to lose weight in order to protect my health.

Okay.  I may be body-conscious, but I know that's not true.  That's not to say I'm at my healthiest.  I actually felt my best around the weight I am now, but I had a lot more muscle at the time.  I know the shift in composition is due to my physical issues, not any lack of motivation.  Actually, in a semi-relevant vein, the recent health results made me feel more assured of my instinct that I wasn't in the place for weight training work right now.  It very well might be accurate to say a shift in body composition would be health-positive, but it simply isn't right to say I need to shed pure pounds to be healthy. 

My ratio is partly a factor of what I can and cannot do right now but also, probably more accurately, a simple fact of genetics.  I just am not a curvy gal.  I get that the calculator ultimately looked at ratios, not actual numbers on the tape measure, but one would think a hospital site would either factor in both or make a more clear statement about what the results mean.  I've read enough to know that the genetic tendency to carry weight in certain areas can, regardless of numbers on the scale, predict health outcomes and it is not bad to be aware of that.  Still, it angers me when a site associated with a medical institution can't bother to explain that rather than make a blanket statement...especially when the ratio is partly about using something other than the scale to evaluate health.  I feel the same way when a BMI calculator fails to note that muscle mass can lead to less useful results.  With different information under my belt, it could have sent me into a body image tailspin.   

I'm a savvy health consumer, and treading on the Internet always requires some amount of information awareness (a topic we really should teach more in schools...I know my teachers did discuss source-awareness but it isn't taught enough).  Caveat emptor...or something like it...but it is ridiculous that someone who knows enough to look for a hospital-affiliated site might still come away with poor guidance.

P.S.  I'm going to work hard to not let myself feel somehow bad about the personal stats in this post....the rational side of me knows my rant is no less valid because I can wear a size small. 

The Value of "Us"

I confess...I have lots of theories.  Many of them are about human behavior, perhaps because I've never been the most social person so I spend a lot of time observing and processing.  I've had a difficult month with various issues piling on top of my "normal" ones, but it brought one theory to the forefront of my mind.

I think this is the type of thing I knew a long time before I had the words I wanted to express it.  Honestly, the words came during one of the tougher periods in my life, which probably isn't all that odd since those moments make people take stock in a unique way.  The words were also sparked by a random sound-bit on a television show (I'd give credit if I knew what it was). 

Here's the big picture summary:

Marriage, or a committed relationship of the same sort without the legal stamp, is about putting "Us" before "You and I."

I think any sort of relationship involves the creation of an Us, an entity separate and apart from each individual.  The romantic Us (for lack of a better way to frame it) is particularly important for many.  Ideally, the Us is a case of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts.  When you fully commit to an Us (focusing on the romantic Us, although another Us can still be utterly beautiful), you put that new entity first.  You make decisions with Us in mind, from little ones to big ones.  Sometimes valuing the Us is as simple as going to the restaurant that A is craving when B doesn't care as much.  Sometimes the Us IS valued by choosing A's wish over B's, especially in the smaller things, when A cares more at that moment.  In bigger decisions, the Us goes beyond that.  The Us is why A moves for B's job, not for B's own interest but because the move ultimately benefits the partnership as a whole and not just A or B.  A is not really "giving up" anything "for B" but rather prioritizing the Us above A him/herself.  A doesn't resent B for this, it is simply part of A's commitment to Us and the belief that valuing Us is the right choice for both A and B.

Us does not replace either participant.  A and B remain.  They remain their own selves with their own identities.  They have value, great value, beyond the Us and they should never forget that.  A and B are always distinct and they never lose themselves in Us.  Committing in a way that eliminates the self is just as toxic to a relationship as never committing at all.  Putting Us before You and I does not mean valuing Us over You and I, a concept hard to put in words but a real one nonetheless.  A must still commit to and care for A.  B must still commit to and care for A too.  Still, both are fully committed to the Us.

Preserving the Us does involve work.  It should be easy much of the time, it shouldn't always be a battle, but there will always be moments when it is hard.  Sometimes it means retreating a bit, biting your tongue to avoid words that might devastate the Us, words that are more dangerous than just those said in a fight that may anger A or B.  A strong Us can come back from slip-ups, but not from forgetting the basic commitment. 

There are Us-es (that's not an easy word to pluralize) all around.  A's relationship with every friend and family member each forms a unique, important Us.  For some, another Us may involve a relationship with a Higher Power.  Still, there's something special about one particular Us.  Not having that Us does NOT make A any less.  I know several people fully realized in themselves and their other Us-es who do not need a romantic Us.  But for those who want it, there's nothing more beautiful.

(I have my mini licensing notice on my blog but want it more on this piece -- This piece is my intellectual property.  Unauthorized use or reproduction in any form without my express, written permission is prohibitted.  Hyperlinks to this post or Confessions From a Rambling Mind are welcome.  Copyright © 2012.)

health care hits home

I confess....I actually have a few real post ideas batting around in my head, but I'm not sure how much I can get through right now so will go more the update route.  The update actually does lead to a disturbing and apparently legal reality of the insurance world.  This is gonna be rambly...even for me...

• The Body Stuff

I've been really struggling.  I think my body has just gotten too overwhelmed.  I did also switch off some meds and that's always a bit rough on me for some reason.  The Pain Clinic folks actually had planned on moving me on to another one but I haven't done that yet since I'm still off-kilter.  I started having these very vivid memory flashes in the overnight hours.  The best way I can explain it is like a tape recorder in my brain.  I am awake, or close to it (Pain Shrink thinks I may be in a middle-state and not fully waking, which does make sense) but I hear conversations from the past just like someone was playing a tape of the moment.  It has been an odd mix....greeting family on Thanksgiving somewhere around 2006, both before and after my back surgery, and some very hard emotional conversations that were tough enough to live through the first time.  At times, a few minutes has just run on a repeat loop.  It has interrupted my sleep and some of the memories my brain picks make me emotional and more ill. 

It is just plain odd.  Given timing, the first doc I mentioned it to was the new physiatrist (aka physical rehab docs...actually where I started with back stuff) my GP sent me to....I think he's fed up with the Pain Clinic not making progress and he likes this guy.  He was very nice but wanted to make sure I looked into the "tapes" before doing much else.  I'm in the process of doing that...and have added in sometimes hearing my own thoughts "aloud" in my head....like talking to myself but I'm not (even harder to really explain).  I'll see someone about that stuff Thurs.  I also will go back to the physiatrist on Tues.  He's pulling an MRI to look at options and may send me a good bit away for diagnostic tests if needed.  He did recommend trying my old post-op brace a few hours a day which does seem to help. 

Things got harder this week though, so I haven't done as much of the brace time as I'd have liked.  I got really upset and stressed on Wednesday (which I'll get to in the next part).  I often get horrific headaches after getting emotional.  I think I also had a bit of a bug.  Put together with everything else, including poor sleep, I got pretty ill for a bit...."bathroom floor" kinda ill.  As a kid, I ended up in the ER several times when a belly-bug hit and I got dehydrated....I was very much going in that direction with a good 48h with no food and very little liquid.  But....

• The Scary Insurance Stuff

The added wrinkle...the starting stressor that also exacerbated it all...I couldn't have easily gone to the ER no matter how bad it got.  Because I have no health insurance.  In fact, I hadn't had it for two weeks before X sent a note saying there might be an issue.  He got remarried....which is utterly fine by me emotionally but led to me being booted without warning.  I'd been on his insurance at a family rate, which MA law provides for after a divorce (I paid my share of the premium by sending him a check), but apparently the remarriage of either party terminates coverage.  I knew it would terminate if I got re-married, or had other access to a plan, but really never knew what would happen if he did.  I certainly never imagined the insurance company could revoke my coverage WITHOUT A WORD OF NOTICE.

It took a bit to calm down but I called within a few hours of X sending a note that HR had told him I could no longer be on the plan.  The lady was very calm and never mean but also very very clear.  I called on 8/29.  I had not had coverage since 8/16.  They had not sent any notice.  She said she would send some info and I can re-enroll.  I can also get retroactive...which I need since I had a couple doc appts the week the coverage terminated and have three more next week.  But right now, I'm uninsured. 

I know there are times and places that would have to have taken me if I showed up even without insurance, but I really got much worse with the idea that I kind of COULDN'T go to the ER for the severe health mess of the latter part of the week (sorry, that sentence is awful...my head's still not fully here).  They'd have checked when I got there and have found me uninsured.  Heck, that could have happened BEFORE I had any idea I wasn't covered.  I had to pick up some meds later in the week and CVS got a coverage rejection.   Luckily it wasn't pricey...and they can reimburse me w/o too much mess IF I can fix it w/in two weeks (not sure I can given that they just mailed the paperwork and need some signatures already).  I think the doc appts will be okay too....they don't usually run the insurance "live" like an ER or a drugstore would and hopefully the slowness of billing ends up working in my favor (they do always have you sign that you'll pay if your insurance doesn't)....two appts are places that know me so that should help too if there's a delay or I need them to re-send stuff too (more proof that you need to be nice to folks...the CVS people were super-kind and I think it helped that they know me and that I'm polite).

So...I'll have to suck it up a bit and pay a crazy premium until I find something else.  Not sure how all the continuing treatments will play in...there's been mention of a second surgery too given the total mess that is my back.  It'll be $880 per month.  I'm getting some help on that...and appreciate that help on the stress....but the whole thing makes me mad.  HOW DARE it be LEGAL to REVOKE insurance without any notification.  I won't bother thinking through X's role...whether he knew, whether he should have known...I can't ever know much there and have had folks argue both sides to me.  But I do know that it is not fair that the company's actions were all legal.  I know I am not someone who can risk being without coverage....no one should HAVE to risk that but I've always made sure I didn't have even a short gap because my body has never been kind. 

I have long favored health care reform...I don't know how to do it, I don't pretend I can evaluate policy, but I know it needs to be fixed to help people protect their health without risking bankruptcy.  I know it needs to include a lot of financial reform too.  I know personal accountability also matters a lot.

And now I know it all even more. 

(again, sorry this is horridly rambly....i wish it were better since i do hope people see this..my brain isn't fully restarted but i still need to get it out there).

P.S.  I want to get my head on straighter and my words back in shape but may put together a Change.Org petition when I do about forbidding revocation without notice.  No change in what makes revocation permissible....that'd add controversy...just a rule requiring 30 days notice before recocation, esp when it is not due to any action by the insured.  Maybe also require the insured get notice about options, even if it is a crazy premium increase, so they can make a choice before revocation rather than have to deal with it after (or be able to look at alternatives to avoid a gap...which would help make options real by preventing someone from incurring bills w/o knowing the policy has been revoked....kinda forces you to continue the old plan if you need those covered since a new plan isn't likely to give any sort of retroactive benefits).

politics schmolitics

I confess...it is hard for me to define, and hard for me to evaluate, my political involvement these days... 

I certainly learned liberal views in my youth. I had an extra level of attention to women's matters....the teacher required a permission slip for me to do my chose ninth grade term paper topic of female circumcision in The Color Purple. I sat very far from the top-down management boy in my AP US History group (LOVED "opposites" day....he had to be all for the little folks and turned colors as he tried to do so, I just really had fun being the dictator)

I think getting active in college had a lot to do with proximity to start.  A few folks in my building were going to the Haverford Activits Collective meeting and I tagged along.  My roommate EH headed up a fight against Internet censorship that had us making a million little blue ribbons in our living room.  Later that year, reading period fell on 12/13 and we went to DC....my 18th birthday, in DC was darn cool.   I'm not sure that many of our meetings had been well-researched on their sides.  Saw Santorum, then junior senator for PA, and recall his folks solving the homelessness problems by having churches take people in.  I asked who his church had assigned to his home but didn't get a reply.  We had a photo op with Dole who is smiling amid seven liberal Democrats and three communists.

I did the requisite campaign work in college too.  In the first go on a House campaign, our candidate lost by about 80 votes.  In a U.S. House race, that's well below a percentage point.  It hammered home the reality that voting does matter (and the first time I voted, I'd "met" everyone I voted for...counting working for a Clinton rally as a meet).  The next time, I was still only a volunteer but started a full year before the race when there was one staffer, me, and the same roomie from the blue ribbons.  "We" won.  My friend had become a staffer but I never did.  Still, the original staff girl touched me when she said the three of us really made a congressman b/c it never could have gotten there without the early days of check copying and filing and such.  

I believed.  And have seen that "it matters"....but....  

Fast forward. 

I consider myself more informed than average, but I find the whole world of politics frustrating.  To use a phrase I've stolen from somewhere, I'm not sure there's much "there" there.  I can't stomach the debates because it feels like as much pageantry as Toddlers & Tiaras.  I read the details of the State of the Union the next morning....it is much less annoying with the forty minutes of clapping.  I care who I vote for (and will most likely vote for Obama again...I don't see much case in which I wouldn't), but I can't get up the excitement I used to have to work at or even attend a campaign event....especially for a national level race that feels too big and too, well, political.

I'm not sure there's a point here.  I think it isn't unusual to have more spirit at 20 than at 34 for such things.  It is sad.  Yet, I'm not sure if it's "me" or "them" that's the issue....