checking in w/ me

I confess...it's time for a check-in with me. There will, of course, be bullet points...

• Body

I "failed to progress" in PT so I was kicked. I am a logical and rational person and I do understand that the insurance company won't keep funding something that isn't helping. I had no real pain relief and made only a small advance in flexibility. I KNOW that I worked hard in PT. I'm just frustrated. My older PT said it can take 90 weeks to heal these injuries. My old doc said it is a minor injury medically but still feels like a bullet to the spine. I'm trying to believe and trying to do the strength work on my own. It is a lot of work.

The endo is also acting up. I had a tummy bug around Thanksgiving and I have a bit of a cold now. For me, any sort of bug sends my body into a downslide. The cold is just a sniffle so far but the hives and endo are kicking up. One of the friends that I've reconnected with did have a hysterectomy to treat endo. I'm not sure if that's right for me...endo is odd and I have a small amount of it but a lot of pain so I don't know if that would impact a doc's willingness. I've never "needed" to have kids but I am not quite ready to write it off. I have decided that I'll evaluate that again when I turn 35....looking at where I am then (including relationship status).

I'm not thrilled with my current weight but I'm trying to be okay with it. I have definitely added back a LOT of lost muscle. I am VERY proud of that. And letting myself say so:)

• Jobs

Still plugging away. I have a few visions of jobs I'd really like but know I need to keep things broad. I'm worried I scared one employer away with an ill-posed question (one I thought was reasonable but these days they have so many people to choose from...). In the ever valid words of Dory from Finding Nemo...."Just keep swimming!". Really, that's one of my mottos.

• Relationships

I'd definitely be ready to date. I am at peace with the divorce...I still shed some tears at times but I think that's normal. I still, however, feel like a can't look for a relationship until the job falls in place since I'm looking in multiple markets. I am more a relationship girl than a casual dates girl and wouldn't want to risk a hard decision (or do long-distance). I have a jumble of things I'd look for in a partner. Smart is key, probably including well-educated because that's a big part of my identity. I want someone who is active (my gym habit is baffling even to active folks but would be too strange for a non-active type). Physically, I definitely prefer strong guys, tall is nice too, but I'll admit I would feel intimidated by "perfection"...it's my body issues talking there but it's honest. Non-smoker. Enjoys red wine (so they'll share a good bottle). Non-smoker. Here's my oddest one...no pets. I love dogs but my allergies would never cooperate (even with those labeled non-allergenic)...cats get to be an issue too. Personality-wise, I think I like dog-lovers but I would never date a dog owner because there would someday be an awful decision to be made...I couldn't live with someone giving up a pet for me.

• Books

Only in my world would this be its own bullet line. Truly, books have fed me even more than normal in the past months. I often read more than one a week...recently, I went through three in three days. Luckily I find good deals on them and I'm waiting on a shipment from Amazon. I love falling into a book, meeting the characters, and thinking about their worlds. I have read several WWII era books recently with an amazing variety of voices and contexts....I think it is an era that the current crop of writers are intrigued by since it is recent and still felt today but also a bit removed. My last read was a harsh reminder of how recently terrible racial divisions exist. Okay, I know they still do. But it was interesting to note how even the "good" characters took for granted that the black neighbor (returned from the war) "belonged" in the bed of the truck if he got a ride from town (not the cabin, next to the white driver).

Books are in my blood. The time to read and enjoy the experience (rather than just using it to unwind before bed) is hands-down the best part of unemployment.

• Etc.

I'll see the step-family folks for the holidays. It will be fun...there are three step-siblings, all are married with nine kids amongst them. My aunt and uncle will also join. I don't know if some other folks will be there too (my step-siblings have steps on the other side too). I'm glad I get to join. And, I'll confess, glad I'll go home after. I am easily overwhelmed.

In January, I'll spend a few days at my dad's. I like that we have a better relationship than when I was young and that I feel welcome and wanted in his home. His current wife is always kind to me and she encourages, rather than blocks, our relationship. It will always be very complex with lots of baggage but it has very much evolved. There are steps and youngin's on that side too...a fun group that I'm glad to have added to my world. I have half-siblings too but that's even more complex...not sure I'll see them.

I often meet some friends for Friday night dinner (I can't say that w/o thinking of Gilmore Girls...but mine is chosen and one I enjoy). I sometimes stop by another bar before...it has much better wine and a half-price happy hour. I've met some nice folks there and that's been a pleasure. One thing I didn't like in Boston was it didn't feel welcoming. This place is totally welcoming and I really enjoy that. And the good wine choices helps too..as does the fact that the bartender knows what I like. I enjoy having a "regular" and folks who know who I am.

• A Wish and a Promise

So, for my birthday (12/13), I am asking for more followers for my blog. I don't know why I want more...I just do. Rationally, I know I have some regular readers who aren't registered "followers"...I appreciate them too. What can I say? I like numbers. I am going to get to be a part of a "blog tour" in February for one of the books from Harper (I think they have reviewers lined up to post one the book each day for a bit...)....that sounds fun. I have to make sure I have good regular posts near the time of the review....

Which leads to part two of this section, the promise. My promise is that my next post will be more interesting than this one....I felt the need for a self-check but I imagine these aren't the most intriguing for readers.