Wednesday, January 21, 2009

i see you....or me....

I confess that....I notice what people eat.

I watch the guy on the platform down two huge bear claws in five minutes. I notice the lady order extra cheese and mayo on her sandwich (adding more mayo to tuna is a bit much...even if you like it!). I notice the woman who only gets the side salad and doesn't finish it.

I try really hard not to judge. Maybe this is the only treat this person has had in weeks. Maybe her stomach hurts or she already ate. But I confess to snap judgments that I can't quite put away. "Yeah, buddy, those two bear claws are great for your 300 pound frame." And I really hate the part of me that says that. I try and quiet her down and make her go away. But I can't.

The reality is, I think she's usually talking to/about me. Most who bother to read this know I've had my struggles with food. And they've been acting up again lately something fierce. I think the judgments I put on others are an extension of the ones I put on myself. I'm so very used to putting myself down, that it is hard to stop that habit when it comes to other people.

Then again, I "retreat" from the judgments with others...but never with myself.

I've told so many people, especially women friends, that they need to treat themselves at least as well as they'd treat a friend. Probably better. But I don't live those words well.

This isn't where I expected this ramble to go.

I want to stop judging others. And I know I need to be better in judging myself.

Chicken or egg???

And where's the line? We do need to watch others and ourselves. And there's a healthy level of judging. We learn by seeing what other people do and evaluating the results. And we need to keep some level of self-responsibility and I think that requires at least some form of judgment. In college, I gained a lot of weight because I didn't think twice about what I ate and I rarely moved a muscle. I didn't judge myself at all...and my physical health suffered (and would have more as I aged). That isn't the "right" place to be either.

As with so much, clearly the answer is balance. And it seems like a lot of people have that knowledge magically....they just go and walk the line without a thought. I don't. But I don't think the answer is to be resigned to that. Maybe it is just walking really really slow some days (some weeks/months/years) until I find my way.

5 comments:

jasonedwards57 said...

you know you really are beautiful. I hope that you want a partner on your very slow walk b/c you always have one in me.

clg1213 said...

thank you.

Adina D. said...

Awww! Jason. How sweet!

What has really helped me to be less of a judgmental person is thinking about my own experience. To any person on the street I look like someone who eats crap everyday and who has never exercised. The exact opposite is true. I've met women with similar problems. So now I just look at people and constantly remind myself that I don't know their story. Personalizing it is the only thing that has gotten my inner voice to stop judging others.

clg1213 said...

i definitely get that. especially given that i don't "look" like i've had the type of issues i've had. and that response comes up when i catch myself judging others. but i still think there's something of the reverse in there...i'm judging them b/c of how i look at me...

Freckles said...

I was just writing about judging people the other day in my blog! I was re-reading it before checking this out and was realizing how many times that judgement I project onto others is often meant for me.

I agree with what Adina has said i terms of a coworker who has put on a lot of weight due to a thyroid issue but does train quite a bit and another who is super skinny but is trying to gain weight. Before I might be totally judgemental..now knowing their stories it is easier to not.