Thursday, January 8, 2009

for the love of...

I confess that...I don't actually enjoy working out.

I do it. A lot. Maybe more than I should, though not dangerously so and I eat enough to fuel myself. But I don't really enjoy the process. I used to visit a running-related bulletin board and saw all these people who truly LOVE running. They love the act itself. Their runs are one of the highlights of their day. That's so not me.

I do love what I GET from working out. I like the results. I have definitely worked hard over the years to transform my body and (if I do say so myself...and it is impressive that I can) it shows. I like seeing the tone that comes from both the work on reducing fat and building muscle. I like being "little" (but healthy little, I promise).

I also like the idea of HAVING worked out. I like the feeling after. I like knowing I did something "good", especially that I started out my day with something good. A part of me I'd like to deny gets a boost from doing that while most of the world is still asleep. It isn't pretty to admit, but it can be a "better than them" kinda feeling. And I suppose I need that since I've never been high on the confidence factor.

I do get a bit of the endorphin rush too. But that isn't a primary motivator for me.

I do feel like it would be healthier in some way to workout for the love of the workout. I'm jealous of those that do. The lack of that feeling makes me nervous that some day I'll fall off the wagon. I know I'm addicted in a lot of ways to my routine, but I get nervous that if I fall out of it for even a week that I'll never get back. That itself DOES provide motivation to keep the routine. But there's something messy in that cycle.

3 comments:

Lauren said...

I'll admit that I'm jealous of people that love to workout, too. And, I'm jealous of you and your discipline. I fall off the proverbial wagon weekly. Sometimes daily. It's why I tell James my arse is the size of Missouri. LOL.

All I can do is keep doing what works, right. One step at a time - and hope one day, I love it more than eating chocolate cake.

clg1213 said...

i try to remind myself that starting a habit is a LOT harder than keeping one...so i try to stay on the wagon so i don't have to start over. but i think my fear of falling off after a break is almost too pronounced to be healthy.

Adina D. said...

I'm one of those weirdos who loves to workout, but that's because I refuse to do stuff I hate just for the sake of fitness. I lift, I do kettlebells, I kickbox, I dance and when the doc lets me, I run. Everything else makes me want to kill myself. I think they key is to find pleasure in things that will keep you motivated. I get off on being strong. Being a weak girl is my least favorite thing in the world (especially since I'm single and have to do "man things" myself) so if nothing else, the ability to carry around bookshelves functions as motivation. LOL.