more evidence i'm a real blogger (and other bullet points)

I confess...the more I use bullet points, the more I love them.

• Look it's me (first review, including a link to my books tag here).  The Frisky is a fun site.   I certainly don't read every post but it is a good page to intersperse with job apps.  I pitched a "real" article too...I'm pleased with myself for trying, even if it fails.
• I had a random interview yesterday...and found myself oddly interested in the retail manager role.  It could be fun.  I was honest about not being a fashion plate..I swung it to say it would allow my staff to be subject experts and that I believe in managing from a point of mutual respect.  I could have faked it, but they'd find out pretty fast.
• I was silly and tried to twist to move a power cord Monday.  The stars aren't as intense but it is def another pain flare.  I'm beyond glad to have surgery on the calendar.  I am already nervous about the rest in recovery but my awesome Boston PT (go to Michael if you need someone up there) said they are pretty encouraging on walking.  Someone should warn them about my reading of the word "unlimited" in this context.
• My need for Lee Press-On toenails is no more!  I know, you've been waiting with baited breath for an update on the no-longer-totally-lost toenail.
• I'm happy that New York joined the ranks of states that recognize marriage should be about love, not gender.
• The scale was friendly to me last week.  Somehow, that makes it harder that it is being quite mean this week.  Yes, I know the scale and I have way too involved of a relationship.
• I don't want to be interested in the Casey Anthony trial.  I don't want to want to hear the latest updates.  I want to be a good advocate for the justice system and not one of the many who has decided she's guilty and just plain evil. 
• I get books from Harper and get others via Amazon.  I order through Amazon to keep it safe but buy used books, often for under a dollar so that even the shipping costs leave it around $5 or $6.  I did just order one that actually hit $10....I got Room because I've wanted to read it and I shall keep it a a "treat" for recovery time.
• I really dislike how many TV ads fall back on the "smart wife, dumb man" trope.  It is a disservice to BOTH genders.  The guy who says "Fiber makes me sad" and then unknowingly eats a fiber-rich bar while his wife smirks is on my current list of most annoying TV folks.
• Michele Bachmann scares me.
• I should go lift today.  I'm in a high pain state though (and that's for me, some pain is a given) which makes it tough.  I know it is important to stay strong but it is a tough spot to be in when the pain is chronic.
• I need to buy shorts.  I've made peace with the existence of my thighs, a state I have not gotten to with the belly pooch, but it still makes me averse to shorts.  Well, that's not quite true.  Shorts are fine when I'm standing.  Not so fine when I sit and the not-muscle (and there IS muscle under there) presses the seams.  But there are a few outdoor days on the horizon and some steamy weather so I may need to break down and get some.

a light at the end of the tunnel

I confess....I was terrified they'd say no.

On June 13th, I ventured down for the last round of tests to identify my back issues.  The test was ordered by Dr. K, the neurosurgeon, and performed by his colleague, Dr. F.  Like my spine guy in Boston, Dr. F is a physiatrist.  They tend to be focused on rehab work and many hold a DO instead of an MD (Dr. F is an MD, Boston doc was a DO).  They perform a number of procedures, including the spinal epidurals I had done in Boston.  Dr. F did a discogram.  If you are ever slated for one, just don't Google it....it is NOT fun and is painful, but it wasn't as awful as the internet had me fearing.

Anyway, I spoke with Dr. F after the discogram.  His role was to perform the test and give the info to Dr. K, not make the ultimate decision about actions going forward.  He did indicate that I had a reaction to the prodding of the disc we suspected was the culprit.  He also noted the results were a bit different than typical but said that could be attributed to both my age and my size (neither fit the most common patient profile).  He said he'd pass on the info to Dr. K and vaguely hinted that surgery might be warranted but it wasn't his call to make.

In one of the realities of modern medicine, it took a while to hear back.  I did understand this...they had to send out Dr. F's notes, he had to review and approve them, and then they had to go to Dr. K for analysis.  But waiting was still rough.  I know there are rules but the docs are in the same office and see each other all the time.  Falls into the world of things you know rationally but have trouble with in practice.  Dr. K's assistant did help make sure the file was seen and the docs were able to chat since Dr. K wanted a quick conference. 

When the phone finally rang, I was on edge.  It felt like the single sentence took an eternity and like I had been waiting for months.  The assistant (whom I swea I talk to weekly) said I was a good candidate for "anterior lumbar fusion L5/S1" and booked me for August 8.  I'll admit, I would have jumped up and down, but that isn't exactly a back friendly reaction.

So, yeah, I'm psyched to get a somewhat major surgery.  I've had more than my share already but this is definitely a more serious level of operation than the others.  I appreciate that there is risk and I am NOT looking forward to the recovery period (I am NOT good at resting), but the possibility of relief trumps all of that.  It's been two years altogether, though it is more like a year and a half at a serious level.  I've tried the less invasive options with steroid injections and rounds of PT and they haven't fixed it.  Pain medicine helps me get through the day, but it is a band-aid and one I've only been okay using because I knew I was looking for a true fix.  I needed a light at the end of the tunnel.  I needed a possibility of a "cure." 

I think that's somewhat normal but I also think it is tied to my history.  I have been through a number of doctors and tried treatments and even surgery, but the cold hard truth is that endometriosis is likely to be with me for a couple decades more.  There are band-aids but no cure, other than hitting menopause and turning all those systems off.  I get through and I know many women have it worse than I do, but it is still rough.  I appreciate knowing the truth about outlook rather than having a false hope, but it is a hard one to swallow.  In a really odd way, the back has been the closest I've gotten to a cure...the level 7-8 pain trumps the baseline endo pain (flares still hurt) and take my attention away.  But that's not a real cure and I know it.

I'm relieved to have a surgery date.  I'm happy the test didn't end with a "sorry, nothing we can do."  I've heard that enough.  I am scared of the IV.  I'm not looking forward to recovery.  But there's hope (and an end to the band-aid of meds).  And I needed that.

P.S.  Yes, I know people debate fusions.  I am confident it is the right call for me.

i'm a real blogger now

I confess...this is just a link.  I'm the guest poster of the day over on my friend Lee's site.  Lee's an awesome lady and a totally dedicated blogger.  A lot of her posts are food-themed, both homemade and purchased, though she talks about fitness and her life in general too.  And I desperately want to play with her gorgeous puppy.

My guest post is about the foods I miss from my ATL days....

http://inmytummy.com/2011/06/22/guest-post-cheryl-from-confessions-from-a-rambling-mind/