Wednesday, May 25, 2011

rambling from relationships to memorial day

I confess...I often have blog thoughts while driving or treadmilling but they fly away when I'm near my computer or suddenly lack the substance to hold a whole post.  I try to keep this space about me and my thoughts (and opinions), but my world does include other people.  I try to respect their space and focus the sharing on my side of things but that's never going to be entirely clear cut.  One thought that keeps popping up in my musings is that I've talked a lot more about MM in five months than I did about X in the years prior.  There are many reasons for this.  I've already rambled on more than once about a lot of my pet issues (right to choose, equal marriage) and my basic life journey (food/body struggles, health matters) and don't need to retread the same ground many many times (only one "many" will suffice).  And there's the reality that in more recent times talking about X would have been tough since it would often have been more about struggles than good things.

I think, though, that a lot of the difference is simply that it is new.  And that it feels very right.  But those two lovely things occur in a very real world with two very real adults who have very defined selves.  I think it is more challenging to start a new journey in your 30s.  It can be wonderful because you know yourself and what you need and can see past the type of things that make the checklists of our teens and twenties.  But it can make it challenging to blend your stories.  I am extremely happy with MM but we do have our differences...some of which are fun, others a challenge.  It's a journey.  A great one overall but i has its moments of struggle.  And I know me, I flee from discord, so I need the deep breaths and perspective. 

This is not inspired by a recent disagreement.  There were some a few weeks ago but those cooled.  I have been thinking about Memorial Day though and the fact that I never imagined myself with a military guy.  I have always been a pacifist and pretty anti-interventionist in the foreign policy realm.  But I have always maintained that one can be anti-war and still support the troops.  Of course, we need them.  And I'd like them nice and safe (moreso now than ever).  There's not a big issue least from my side (can't speak for him)  I respect MM's job and his commitment to our country and his fellow military people.  I agree with him that I'd rather have a battle "there" than "here"...though I'm not sure I am ready to leap from that to agreeing with our current wars.  I know he has knowledge and experience that I never will and I admire that and respect that.  And think the uniform and the commitment is sexier than I'd have admitted as a loud liberal in my college days.

With the holiday pending, I want to stop and appreciate people who sacrifice for our country and support it bravely.  Thank you, MM, and other the other military men and women who offer themselves as a line to protect the rest of us.  I may not support all our wars, but I support you and the other brave defenders who carry out actions when called upon. 

And I admire the folks who stay home and "lend" their loved ones to the nation's call.  If I'm ever saying goodbye, I know I'll be a mess even if he's less likely to be on the front line.  And I know I'll need the support of others who have been brave before me and their guidance in being a supportive partner while maintaining my own sanity.

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